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“Hey, you okay?” Seb asks, reaching over to take my hand.
“Yeah, I’m good,” I tell him, my voice wobbly. I step out of the car and look up to the sky, willing the tears not to fall, but an errant one escapes, and I quickly swipe it away with the back of my hand.
Seb joins me, and we walk up the path to the front door. Taking a deep, steadying breath, I raise my hand and knock.
Footsteps echo from inside the house several seconds later, and my heart beats wildly at how this is going to go. I always got on well with Alex’s parents, Gloria and David, but the death of a child can destroy a person. And I don’t know what they’ve been told about what happened.
I hear the click of a lock as a key is turned, and it’s deafening like a bell tolling. The door opens in slow motion, and I hold my breath as David comes into view.
I haven’t seen him in a few years, and aside from his hair being almost fully grey now, he looks just as he did the last time I saw him. But as my eyes finally meet his, I see the despair in his eyes, ones the same colour as Alex’s, that are surrounded by deep lines with dark circles below them.
“Can I help you?” His voice is rough and tremulous as his eyes scan my face with a frown.
I clear my throat. “Hi, Mr Simons. I don’t know if you remember me, but I’m—”
“I know who you are, Miss Morgan,” he says cutting me off scornfully. “Why are you here?”
I swallow thickly, trying to find my voice and tell him how very sorry I am about Alex, but as I go to speak, Gloria appears at David’s side. She’s wearing a pair of plain black trousers and a mustard-coloured turtleneck jumper, and her face is clean of makeup making her red-rimmed eyes even more evident. Gloria has matching dark circles under her eyes, indicating the lack of sleep herself and David have had recently.
As soon as her eyes land on me, she starts crying, and David wraps an arm around her, trying to soothe her.
“Please, I didn’t want to upset you. I just wanted to come and tell you how sorry I am. Alex was my friend…” I break off as my breath catches and emotion clogs my throat, and I feel Seb’s hand on the small of my back.
Gloria’s crying stops at my words. “Friend?” she says questioningly. “What sort of friend leaves my son to die in a pool of his own blood?”
She continues, but I don’t hear anymore as her words hit me. She blames me. She thinks I chose to leave him there. I thought he was already dead. I can faintly hear shouting, and a hand on my back guiding me away from the house. I look across the road and see old man Morris, the Simons’ neighbour, there watching, taking it all in, and no doubt he’ll enjoy gossiping about it later.
“Oh my god, this is all my fault. If I’d stopped Jay from carrying me away, then Alex might still be alive. I could have saved him.”
“Jamie, it’s not your fault. They are just upset and grieving. I’m sure if you give them time, they’ll realise that they’re wrong.” I’m aware of Seb opening the car door and climbing in, but I can’t get Gloria’s words out of my head. They’ve infected my brain, burrowed deep under my skin where they continue to nibble away at me. It’s just like last time. History is repeating itself. All because of me.
When Josh and Amber died, I was devastated. I’d loved them both, and despite their betrayal, I found that was still true. Initially, Josh’s parents had been wonderfully supportive, even though they were suffering too. Then as details started to emerge about what happened that night, their attitude changed, and it didn’t take long for Amber’s parents to follow suit.
Suddenly, I was the one everyone was talking about. And not in the nice, feel sorry for her loss kind of way. No, it was whispers of how I was to blame for them leaving the way they did. How I should have left them alone and realised how much they loved each other. It didn’t seem to matter that they had been seeing each other behind my back just so long as they had someone to blame for the lives cut short too soon.
And now, it’s happening all over again.
I’m shaken from my thoughts as the car comes to a stop, even though I hadn’t even noticed we’d been moving. When I see where we are, I turn to Seb.
“What are we doing back here? I need to go to my mum’s.”
“Jamie, I think yo—”
“No, Seb. I’m fine,” I tell him, although everyone knows no woman that ever said that is actually fine. “It’s what I expected to happen, so can we just move on. If you don’t want to come, then I’ll just drive myself.” I bite my lip, trying to stop it from trembling and giving me away completely. I’m not stupid, and neither is Seb, so I know he knows I’m not okay, but I just want to forget this morning. Maybe if I can figure out what the hell my mum is hiding, we can catch the bastard who is to blame for Alex’s death.
Eventually, after what feels like the longest minute of my life, Seb sighs and starts the car up again before pulling back out into the street.
When we pull up to my mum’s, I have managed to push what happened with David and Gloria to the back of my mind, well, as much as possible anyway.
“I won’t be long. You can wait here if you like,” I tell Seb, secretly hoping he agrees. For one I don’t want him fussing over me right now, and secondly, I don’t want to have to explain why I’m searching the house.
He doesn’t answer, just gives me a look as if I’ve gone completely insane. Giving up on the idea I can get some space and do this alone, I climb from the car as Seb does the same.
Once inside, I take a look around and see how much of a mess the place is, which is surprising. There are dirty plates and glasses piled up in the sink, and the bin is overflowing and emitting a lovely pungent aroma around the kitchen.
“What the hell!” I exclaim.
“I don’t mean to judge, but shit, Jamie, this place is a mess.”
