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“Tomorrow. I know school is not officially finished yet, but it’s only a couple of days.” Before my dad can say anything more, Max comes bursting into the room and announces that dinner is ready.
During dinner, I tell Max we’re going to Kings Dyke, and his excitement is infectious, bringing a huge smile to my face.
I ignore my phone for the next couple of hours to enable me to pack a bag for Max and get him bathed and in bed before reading him his favourite story. We’ll stop off at our house on the way and grab the rest of our stuff.
As I pull the door closed, I look at my son and get a punch to the gut at how much he looks like his mother. I used to watch Sam sleeping. Sometimes for hours when my brain wouldn’t allow me to sleep, and I’d thank every god known to man for giving me this wonderful woman. Now, I’d like to be able to curse them for taking her away when I needed her the most. When we needed her the most. But I can’t because they saw fit to bless me with Max, and for that I can only be thankful.
I look away, stepping out of the room and closing the door. As I turn around, I see my mum standing beside her door.
“You okay, love?” she asks.
“I’m fine, thanks, Mum. Just amazed at how much he’s growing up and—”
“Looking more and more like Samantha every day.”
“Yeah, that,” I say with a small sigh.
My mum steps forward. “He has her frown down pat, and it brings a smile to my face every time he does it. We talk about her often, you know?”
“Really?”
“Oh, yes. I have a photo album that I made after she… Well, whenever he asks about her, we get it out, and he’ll choose one picture for me to tell him all about.”
I don’t really know what to say to that. It’s been a while since we spoke about his mum. In the past when he’s asked, I’d always given him what he needed but struggled to keep my emotions in check, and I think he’s picked up on that. Plus, I’d have to be here for him to ask me.
“Don’t you dare let that head of yours start spouting shit about you not being here enough for him. You’re here when it counts, Rick, and that is the most important thing right now. I know for certain that Samantha would be proud of you. Raising kids is hard work, and it doesn’t matter if you’re alone or with someone, it’s never a walk in the park.”
I choke back the lump in my throat that talking or even just thinking about Sam usually brings and manage to utter a quiet but heartfelt thanks to my mum.
She pats my cheek before heading into their room. I stand there for a couple more minutes, and I realise that whilst it’s still painful to think of Sam, my hurt is more for my son and what he’s lost now. The whole ‘time is a healer’ isn’t really true. You never heal, but the pain lessens, and you learn to move forward.
I only to have to look at Cam to know that there’s life after such a terrible loss. She’s moved on, has a new baby, and although Jamison will never replace Faye, no one ever could, he’s proof that there’s life after death.
Do I believe that I can do the same? One day, maybe. But right now, my focus has to be on being there for Max and making sure he’s well, safe and loved. I’m also not sure that my heart will ever be open to letting another woman in the way Sam was.
I pack the small amount of belongings I have here into the bag, and just as I close it, my mobile vibrates in my pocket. I’m aware that I’ve ignored several calls since dinner.
Pulling it free, Seb’s name flashes across the screen. I know why he’s calling, and I wasn’t ready earlier, but I am now.
“Hey. I’m sorry, mate. It’s been a pretty shitty day, and I needed to spend some time with Max.”
“It’s cool, Rick. And I’m sorry it’s so late, but Jamie’s been riding my arse all day.” I let out a chuckle at that statement and believing every word. “So, how did it go?”
“About as good as you’d expect. And only Tobias could make a fucking paparazzi party of his own daughter’s funeral. He even live streamed it on her Insta story for fuck’s sake. Who the hell does that, Seb?”
“I know, man. Jamie was spitting fucking feathers about it.” There’s a silent pause that I just know precedes something I’m not going to like. “It seems that Charlotte’s funeral wasn’t the only news Tobias orchestrated today.”
“Go on,” I grit out.
“He served Ms Fisher today and made sure that at least one photographer was there to witness it.”
“Fuck!” The curse falls easily from my lips. I’m not really surprised he carried out his threat to her, but I am surprised he knew where she was. I know she’s not at her home address and hasn’t been since just after Charlotte’s suicide.
Yeah, I checked on her. But I’m not ready to admit that out loud or admit it was for any other reason other than purely professional.
“The guy is certainly a piece of work. I hope that Jamie never lays eyes on the man again because I fear for his life.”
“I know how she feels.” It’s not a lie. After today, I can picture my hands round the man’s throat squeezing the life from his body. I push the dark thoughts from my mind. “Look, I’m taking some time away with Max and my parents. We’re only going to Kings Dyke, so if you need me, I’ll be around.”
