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A little while later as I head to the loo, I send the email and link to Dean asking him to work his magic.
After taking a piss, I stand on the top step from the caravan and look out over the reserve. I can just make out the tops of a few of the cabins the other side.
An image of Jessica swims through my mind, but I force it away. Even if I wanted to, there’s no way I could have her in my life, especially with a possible threat against me.
However, the alcohol has skewed my brain function, causing me to make stupid decisions. It’s why I now find myself sneaking round the back of the caravan and heading for Jessica’s cabin.
“Sneaking off somewhere?” comes Ryder’s voice behind me.
Stopping, I turn to face him as reaches me. “No, just stretching my legs, that’s all.”
“Sure, man.” I begin walking again, away from my original direction, and Ryder drops into step beside me. “You want to talk about it?”
I don’t but I know he won’t let it drop until I do. “There’s really nothing to talk about. I met a woman and we had sex, end of story.” I don’t say out loud that there’s something different about her because that would mean admitting that I like her, that I want to see her again, that I want to feel her lips wrapped round my cock—fuck! I close my eyes to rid the image from my mind, but if anything, it just opens the door to more.
“Come on, man, I know you. And I say this with respect, but hit it and quit it has been your MO since Sam. And there’s nothing wrong with that, hell, all three of us have been there at some point, but—”
“I kissed her,” I blurt out, and at this point, I’m not sure if it was to shut him up or because I needed to unload.
He stops walking. “Okay, and why is that—oh shit. Are you telling me you’ve not kissed another woman since Sam?”
“That’s exactly what I’m telling you. Look, I get that it’s stupid, but—”
“It’s personal and intimate. I get it, Rick, I really do. If you’d have told me a year ago, I wouldn’t have understood, but now I do.”
We begin walking again, heading back towards the caravans, and I can hear laughter coming from Jamie.
“Are you going to see her again?” When I don’t reply straight away, Ryder says, “You already have, haven’t you?”
“Yes, but I’m not going to see her again. I don’t have room for a relationship even if I wanted one, which I don’t.”
“I call bullshit on that.” He pauses for a second. “That’s where you were going isn’t it? She’s here and you were—hold on, Seb mentioned that Jessica Fisher is here, and that’s why he said it. Because it’s her.”
I sigh, and it’s all the conformation Ryder needs.
“Then go. What are you waiting for?”
“No, Ryder. It’s wrong.”
“The fuck it is. What the fuck does that even mean?” he says, halting me with the back of his hand on my chest.
“It means, I can’t because I’m married. It’s cheating, that’s what it is. She thought I was a cheat, and she’s right.” I know how stupid that sounds, even in my own head, but this feels different. Kissing Jess has made this something more.
“No, man. You’re so far outside the park on that one.” I can feel anger rising in my gut at Ryder’s words, and it mixes with the want to see her again, want to kiss her again. Ryder’s next words are enough to burst the banks on the swollen river of anger, guilt and regret. “Sam’s gone, Rick. You can’t cheat on someone who’s dead, and—”
Before I realise what’s happening, I’m swinging my fist at Ryder’s face and landing a clean shot on his left jaw. Then it’s open season as we begin to brawl on the damp lawn, rolling and landing punch after punch.
He lands a solid hit to my right eye, which is going to look fucking awesome tomorrow, before someone is pulling me off him.
“Whoa, whoa, what the fuck are you two doing?” Seb demands, holding me with my arms behind my back as Cam and my dad help Ryder to his feet. Several lights go on around us, and some guests even poke their heads out of their doors.
I yank my arms away from Seb, and Ryder and I eye each other, breaths heaving as my dad demands to know what is going on. Breaking his stare, I look around the circle now gathered round us, and every eye is on me. I feel the weight of it like a stone boulder rolled right over me.
My dad, having still got no answers, herds us back towards the caravans like a group of unruly teenagers, adding another layer of guilt to my load.
As I turn to follow, Jessica is standing there beside my mum and son. I feel a trickle of blood run down the side of my face as we stand there looking at each other.
“Grandma, is Dad okay?” Max asks, pointing at me and looking up at my mum.
