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“Like your mom, I waited about two years before I even contemplated emptying out his things,” he says quietly, voice rough from sleep, but there’s deep emotion there too. “For the first month or so, I kept finding things of his scattered around the house. I’d just open the door and drop them inside. I couldn’t be in here. It felt wrong.” I try to turn in his arms, but he won’t let me. So, I relax into his arms and let him talk. “On the first anniversary, I got hammered after my shift. I thought that work would keep me from thinking about him. Didn’t work. As soon as my shift was done, I came back to the house, sat on the floor in here and opened a bottle of Nolan’s favorite bourbon.” He shakes his head, and this time when I try to turn, he lets me. A tear tracks down the side of his face, and my heart breaks for him. I swipe it away, just as he has done for me a hundred times over the years.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Ash. I was such a selfish bitch. I thought I was the only one in pain, that nobody else could possibly be hurting as much as me. You know, he’d be ripping the piss out of you right now,” I joke, lightening the sombre mood. He laughs because he knows it’s the truth. My brother was a notorious joker who enjoyed fucking with others, but he wasn’t so good if the roles were reversed.
“Yeah, he would.” He smiles, and I turn back to the box intending to put the photo back, but another catches my eye. This one is of the three of us and my date on the night of my prom a month before his death, but it’s not one I remember seeing.
“I don’t remember seeing this before.” I state, looking up at Ash, who has a gleam in his eyes and a smirk turning up the corner of his mouth. “You wouldn’t have. Nolan stole this the day they were developed.”
Looking back at the picture, I ask, “Why would he… oh,” I exclaim as I realize just what my brother would have seen in the picture.
“Oh indeed. He knew about us, or at least suspected, Kenz, even before this. But that right there confirmed it for him.”
I’m standing with my date, Chad, my high school friend with benefits guy, with Nolan on the other side of me, and next to him is Ash. But Ash’s focus is solely on Chad. Fists clenched at his sides, nostrils flared, visible even from here, and a look that would have any man running for his life.
“As soon as he saw this, his suspicions turned more solid. He asked me, but I denied it. Not very convincingly I don’t think because he watched me like a hawk every time we were in the same room together.”
I put the photos back in the box as Ash continues to talk.
“After that night at the firehouse, I planned to tell him I was in love with you. Then we got the call out and everything got screwed up.” He moves away from me, and I follow his movements as he moves toward the window. This time when he speaks, he seems far away, lost to the memory.
“He was carrying your dad, and I was in front, when something made him stop. There was an almighty creak as the roof began to give way. I shouted to him, but he just told me to keep going when I turned back to help him. There was a moment of complete silence broken by Nolan shouting something about having his blessing a split second before an ear-splitting crack pierced the air as part of the roof crashed down between us. I tried to get back to him. Started digging through the rubble, screaming his name, but I was dragged out and clear just as the whole fucking roof collapsed.”
I step up behind him, tucking my arms under his and holding his shoulders, hugging him to me and kissing his bare back.
“He knew about us, Kenz. He knew and was giving me his blessing. But then afterward, you refused to talk to me, you couldn’t even look at me. I knew I needed to let you go. I’m not big on fate and shit, but I thought if we were meant to be then you’d come back.” He pulls my hands away, twisting to face me. “And here you are. You better fucking believe that I ain’t ever letting you go again. I love you, Kennedy Scott. I’ve waited too fucking long to tell you those words, so now I plan to tell you every day for the rest of your life.” He grabs my face and slowly lowers his lips to mine. It’s gentle, tongue gliding across the seam of my lips until I permit him entry and tells me everything, reaffirming Ash’s words.
He pulls back a moment later, opening his mouth to speak when a phone rings. “Hold that thought,” he says, stepping away from me and back out to the kitchen. I follow behind, arriving just as the call cuts off.
I make more coffee while Ash calls back whoever rang him. He moves off to the lounge as he talks, and I guess it’s work related when he mentions the word shift.
I place a cup of coffee in front of him as he steps back into the kitchen.
“Everything okay?” I ask, taking a sip of mine.
“Yeah, just sorting out my shifts. Talking of, you working tonight?”
“Mmmhmm, starting at seven. Why?”
“I’ll drive you. I might even play a few rounds of poker.” I eye him as he brings his cup to his lips, pausing when he feels my eyes on him. “What?”
“You don’t play poker, Ash. In fact, the one and only time we ever played poker, you lost—big time.”
“I might have improved since then. But I’m open to a practice round if you are,” he suggests with a wiggle of his brows. I know exactly what he’s suggesting.
“Okay, big boy, you’re on,” I tell him confidently. Confident because I’m going to wipe the damn floor with him. Both of us are only wearing one item of clothing, so this will be over in minutes.
* * *
It’s almostten and we’re in the car driving to meet Jonathan, Stu’s contact. Ash refused to let me go alone, pointing out that if anyone was watching it might seem weird Stu and I traveling together seeing as we usually barely speak. And of course, because Ash is being the true alpha male I know him to be and refusing to let me out of his sight for even a second. Which is why when I asked him about the phone call earlier, he told me that he’s taking some time off work. Explains why he wanted to take me to work, but I have a feeling there’s more to it than just that.
“Come on, you can’t still be mad, Ash. I work at a casino for Christ’s sake. I’d be a pretty shit croupier if I wasn’t good at poker.”
He gives me the stink eye from the driver’s seat. “Counting cards is cheating, Kenz.”
“I can’t help it if I’m a genius.” I drop my head back to the headrest and look out the window. Something flashes in the side mirror, and I move to get a better look at the car behind us.
“Err, Ash, I think—”
“I know. They’ve been with us since passing the motel outside of Silverbell. Do you think it could be Drake?” he asks, knowing he’s staying at that motel.
