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Not after you. Is that what she'd been about to say? God, he didn't want to know that. It would change too much. He'd accepted the fact that Megan was still in Landing and that there was still something very strong between them. But he was going to do his damnedest to make sure nothing came of it. He'd been weak once before and she'd almost destroyed him. He wouldn't survive a second time. But even if he could, he wouldn't risk Bonnie's heart. He'd already explained to the child they would be leaving in a year. He knew she didn't understand the reference to time, but she was willing to be with him. She trusted him.
Yet, the past flickered through Megan's eyes and taunted him. He wanted to reach across the desk and pull her close to him. He wanted to kiss her and forget his good intentions. He wanted to touch her and take her right here on his desk, the rest of the world be damned.
Instead, he pushed her from him the only way he knew how. "Did Colleen and your father approve of your fiance, or did you keep that engagement a secret, as well?"
Her gaze held his steadily. "No more, Justin. You win this game. I can't play anymore. I can't go back and forth,
tender, then hurting." She stood up and smoothed her palms against her skirt. "I'm not good enough for my family, yet, in your mind, I'm too good for you. I don't seem to belong anywhere."
"Make your own damn place, woman. Don't depend on me or anyone else to do it for you."
"That's so easy to say. I admire your ability to do exactly as you please. I've always thought it was a strength. One I couldn't seem to summon. You must be pleased we never married. Think how I would have disappointed you."
She wouldn't have at all, he realized, then found the answer to a question that had puzzled him for years. As her pain swept over him, shaming him, he knew why he'd never found another woman, why he'd so easily walked away from that widow in Wyoming who'd offered her ranch and herself. He wasn't afraid of being tied down. He was afraid he couldn't be with anyone but Megan. Worse, he was terrified that she'd been right about him. That they'd all been right. Even now he lived with the fear that he was nothing but a bastard and a troublemaker.
He'd let her walk away from him seven years ago because he'd feared the truth in her words. Hating Megan was so much easier than watching her come to despise him.
He stood and moved around the desk. When he was in front of her, he reached for her hands and clasped them in his. Hazel eyes watched warily, as if she feared this act of kindness was to lull her before he attacked again.
"I'm sorry," he said. "For everything. It's not my place to judge you." He brought her hands to his face and pressed her warm palms to his skin. Her mouth parted, tempting him. He ignored the need that flickered through him. "You're right. The game has gone on too long. I'll stay out of your way. I'll be respectful and distant. Even Colleen won't be able to fault my behavior around you."
She jerked her hands free. "Is that what you think I want?" she demanded.
"It's best."
"For me, I suppose. Oh, you make me so angry." She planted her hands on her hips. "You're as bad as Colleen,
you know. She tells me what to think, what to do. Now you're doing the same."
"I thought this is what you wanted."
"No." She shook her head, then pointed her finger at his chest. "You assumed. You didn't ask. No one ever asks. They tell me what they think is best."
"Dammit, Megan, I'm trying to do the right thing, here. You're the one who has to live in this town. I thought I was making it easier on you. You should be grateful."
"Don't tell me what I should be and stop swearing." She glared up at him. Her mouth trembled with fury.
"You don't want me to stay out of your way?" he asked, still confused.
"Oh!" She stamped her foot on the floor. "I want—" She drew in a deep breath. "I want to decide. I want to be i the one who controls my life."
"So control it." His temper flared. "When you make up your mind, let me know."
He started to turn away.
"No," she said forcefully. She reached up and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him down until their faces were inches apart.
He recognized the light of battle in her eyes, and something else. Something decidedly passionate. "Megan?"
