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The thought was too horrible to consider. Yet she couldn't let it go. A strangled gasp of pain escaped her lips and she sank down until she was huddled on the floor, her hands clutching at her knees. The tears returned and flowed down her cheeks. She ducked her head toward her chest and let them fall.
"You're not terribly unattractive."
Megan bit down on her lower lip, but that didn't stop the sob. Not terribly unattractive. What did that mean? That she was simply ugly rather than hideous?
"Surely the pain of being alone... alone... alone."
Would she always be alone? She hadn't meant to be. She'd thought she would marry. But she hadn't. Colleen was right about that. After Justin had left, she hadn't been interested in being courted by anyone else. Then, when she'd finally gotten engaged, her fiance had broken off with her. She'd had to deal with the store and mourning for her father. She hadn't had time to miss the man. By the time she'd figured out she could successfully run the business, there had been no one left to marry. Before she'd known how much time had passed, she was an old maid with no prospects.
That wasn't so bad, she thought, wiping away her tears. She didn't mind being alone, as long as people weren't laughing at her. As long as Justin hadn't kissed her out of pity.
Megan wasn't sure how long she sat there in the dark office. When the tears dried and her legs started cramping, she rose to her feet and walked over to the mirror on the wall. She studied her face, searching for signs that she'd been crying, trying not to think about her sister's pronouncement that she wasn't "terribly unattractive." Her eyes were swollen, her nose a little red. She poured cool water into the basin and splashed her skin until it tingled. She used the towel hanging on the hook to wipe away the moisture, then smoothed her still-neat hair.
She had a store to run and customers to take care of. Perhaps in time she would have the courage to ask Justin the truth, perhaps not. It didn't matter. She had done what she'd done, and all the wishing in the world wouldn't change that. She placed her hand on the doorknob and turned it. If the truth be told, she wasn't sorry about kissing Justin or having him kiss her back. Being with him, in his arms, had always been wonderful. She refused to let Colleen steal those memories.
Drawing in a deep breath for courage, she opened her office door and walked into the hall, then past the curtain and into the store. A half-dozen customers circulated between the aisles or leaned over display cases. Bonnie was playing with another little girl her age under Andrew's watchful eye. Her assistant had turned out to be wonderful with the child, sneaking her penny candy and playing endless games with her when the store was quiet.
"Megan!" Bonnie looked up and grinned. "We're playing pioneer. Andrew made us a log cabin for our dolls."
"Good for you."
The girl turned back to her playmate.
Megan moved down the center of the store. Watch as she might, nothing seemed different. No one looked at her knowingly. There were no secret smiles, nor was there condescending laughter. Little by little she relaxed. By the time she reached the pattern books, she could breathe easily.
"There you are," Mrs. Dobson said loudly and squeezed out from behind her desk. "I've been waiting for you to come back. Colleen is looking for you. She was very angry that you left."
Megan began straightening the bolts of fabric and didn't answer.
"Are you all right?" Mrs. Dobson asked, stepping closer. The older woman peered at her. "You've been crying."
Megan touched her hand to her cheek, then glanced selfconsciously around the store. No one was paying any attention to them. "Colleen found me," she admitted.
The widow leaned closer. "You weren't the only one who left," she whispered. "A couple of other women walked out after you, saying that they expected better from the wife of a minister and that it seemed to them Sheriff Kincaid was exactly the right kind of man to have in town. I thought Colleen was going to swear, she was so angry. I stayed until the end. I wanted to know what she had planned." She shook her head. "They're going to have a lawyer look at his contract, but that's all. Even Anabell Greeley admitted her husband didn't want her making trouble." Mrs. Dobson smiled and bobbed her head. "You mark my words. That boy is going to convince everyone."
