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She shook her head. "No. None of them. It's me. It's always been me." She bent her head toward the floor. Her long hair fell forward, concealing her features. He didn't want to know that she cried. Despite the pain, despite everything, her tears would tear him apart.
"Megan-"
"No!" She raised her head and glared at him. Tears trembled on her lower lashes but didn't fall. "Do you want to know why?" She paused as if waiting for him to answer. When he didn't, she shook her head. "Don't change your mind now, Justin. I'll tell you everything."
She drew in a deep breath. "When I was almost nine I came home early from school because I didn't feel well. I walked into the kitchen, as I always did, and I heard voices coming from the parlor." She pulled her knees up to her chest and gazed past him, as if seeing that long-ago afternoon. "It was my father and another man. I went down the hall and saw my mother was there, as well. They all started yelling. It was so loud, I couldn't understand what they were saying at first. Then I knew. My mother was going away with this man. She wanted to take Colleen and me with her, but my father wouldn't let her. He called her awful names."
Megan started rocking back and forth. He wanted to go to her and comfort her. More than that, he wanted to stop her words, for they obviously caused her pain. But he couldn't. Selfishly, he had to know why she'd acted as she
did. He had to know why she'd been so willing to destroy them both.
"I couldn't bear it anymore, so I ran out and hid until it was the regular time to come home from school. I made Colleen swear not to tell them I'd left early." She tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling. A single tear rolled down her temple and into her hair.
"He said she'd died."
Justin straightened in the chair and stared at her. "Your mother?"
She nodded. "He said it had been very sudden. She'd fallen down the stairs. At first, I thought he'd killed her. When they brought in the coffin, I was sure of it. That night, I crept downstairs and looked inside. It was empty. She'd gone away. Two days later, he buried that empty coffin and from then on spoke of my mother as if she were really dead."
"You never saw her again?"
"No. I tried to tell Colleen what had happened, but she wouldn't listen." She turned to look at him. Sunlight caught the side of her face, illuminating her skin until she looked otherworldly. "You asked me once when my sister changed from being a wild hooligan to a proper lady. It was the day we buried that coffin. I think we both knew if we ever did anything wrong, we would be dead to our father. Dead and buried, or sent away. We were so young. We never forgot the lesson. Colleen won't speak of it, but I know she remembers."
He went to her then. He didn't remember standing up and walking across the room, but suddenly she was in his arms and he was holding her close. Her sobs sounded loud and harsh in the morning stillness, her body shook as he wrapped his arms around her.
"Hush, Megan. No one is ever going to hurt you again," he whispered, then knew he would do anything in his power to keep that promise.
She raised her damp face to him. "Don't you see?" she said intently. "I finally understand. My mother took a lover. Papa was so difficult and exacting. I never knew why he was so concerned about our actions and reputations, but as I
grew up, I finally understood. Yet in the end, all his effort went to waste."
He knew what she was about to say, but he couldn't stop her. He tried pressing his fingers over her mouth, but she jerked her head away impatiently.
"I'm just like her/' Her eyes held his. "I've taken a lover, too. I know Papa was difficult at times, but taking a lover is wrong, don't you think? I'm ruined, just like she was. Only I can't be dead to the world. I have to face them. Everyone. Mrs. Dobson warned me. She said I would never be able to get my reputation back, and she's right."
Her mouth trembled so hard, she couldn't speak anymore. The mute pain in her eyes was his undoing. He cursed her father, the town and most of all, himself.
"You're not like her," he said, tucking her head under his chin. "I promise. I promise." He stroked her long hair and her back, trying to comfort her. The sobs had grown silent, but he could feel the tears as they continued to drip off her cheeks onto his bare arm. Their legs tangled together, reminding him they were both still naked. She was warm in his arms. A stirring of interest flared between his thighs, but he ignored the feeling. This wasn't about him; it was about Megan and what he'd done to her.
