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Another piece of myself shatters into tiny, irretrievable fragments, and I slide another sheet of armor in place to compensate.
“Sigrid, Leif, and...?” I try to guess at who he would trust with this information, but he shakes his head.
“Sigrid has been through enough without adding your betrayal. Better to let her think you dead.”
I fight back a flinch. He’s not wrong, though it would have been better still if it were true. I don’t press him again, and he goes on.
“So, I could go out and announce to the world that you’re alive.” He examines my features, and I fight to keep them perfectly neutral, not wanting him to know exactly how much that idea terrifies me or why.
“Or,” he continues. “If you were feeling cooperative, I could let the story stand.”
Cooperative is a vague term, and I don’t like it, even if he does have me backed into a corner.
“I will answer any question that is relevant to the wellbeing of your kingdom in exchange for you letting the world believe I am dead,” I state my terms specifically.
“You will answer them honestly,” he adds.
My head dips in agreement.
“Very well, then. Consider yourself dead.” He gives me a bitter smile. “Hell, I’ll even throw you a funeral.”
He says it like he’s offering to throw me a party, and I can’t help but glare, my anger a better shield for his hatred than my guilt will be.
“Do try to remember to look sad,” I tell him.
“That won’t be hard,” he mutters darkly. “I’ll just dredge up the old memory of that time mywiferan away with the only hope for my people.”
And just like that, the tiny ember of my ire is ripped away from me. He turns to go before he can see my face fall, but then he angles back slightly like he’s forgotten something. “Oh, and Zaina?”
I raise my eyebrows in question, hoping the rest of my expression is half as neutral as I want it to be.
“If I find out you’re lying this time, I won’t have topretendthatyou’re dead.”
Chapter Fourteen
Zaina
Rather than stay to question me, the king practically flees from the room, his need to be away from me unmistakable. Only when the door shuts behind him do I allow myself to truly think about what I’ve just agreed to.
Answer his questions honestly. Trust him to keep my presence here a secret. Keep him ignorant enough to be safe while at the same time not endangering my sisters.
I rub my temples. I am juggling spheres of glass, and all that remains to be seen is which one shatters first.
But what choice do I have? I needed a way to protect everyone, and Einar supplied one, if only temporarily.
Or perhaps, I am only a glutton for the punishment he’s doling out.
Deep, shuddering breaths rack my body as I consider what I stand to lose if he doesn’t uphold his end of the bargain. In truth, whether or not some twisted, broken part of me wants to stay here, it is the best option to protect my sisters. If there is enough evidence for whoever Madame has looking on to believe that I died accidentally in that cave, it’s almost as effective as if I actually had died.
If Einar holds true to his word.If.Another word I despise for its uncertainty.
I sit forward, wrapping my arms around my torso, shivering in a room that is always far too cold. Khijhana leans against me, lending me her substantial warmth and support at the same time, and it undoes what small fraction of control I’ve been holding fast to.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I bury my face in her fur and wrap my arms around her.
“I’m sorry I left you,” I whisper, and a deep purr rumbles out of her in response.
I want to promise never to do it again, but so little of my life is in my control and I won’t make her promises I can’t keep. Especially when Einar and I didn’t discuss what would happen once he obtains the information he needs.
