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Even having her here now, that day brings back nothing but bleak, haunting memories I would just as soon leave alone. I still wake up in the middle of the night half-expecting to find her vanished, still bristle every time she goes quiet and secretive.
“I told you, that isn’t necessary. I know who you are. I don’t need to know more than that.”
“And I appreciate that,” she says. “But I also have information that will help when we go to the dragon’s lair.”
I go still before slowly disentangling myself from her and sitting up. She props herself up on an arm, eyes already narrowing in anticipation of what I’m about to say.
“I already told you, I’m going alone.”
She cocks her head, jutting out her jaw. “And I told you that I’m coming.”
“And then I said I couldn’t stand to lose you, and you gave in,” I remind her.
“No,” she shakes her head. “I said, ‘I could say the same.’ The caves are no more dangerous for you than they are for me.”
Logically, she might be right, but I can’t even think about that right now. Panic rises up in me with a blinding fury. All I see is her charred body lying on the cave floor, the interminable moments in between her labored breaths, the endless hours in the spring water that I started to believe wasn’t going to be enough to save her.
Twice.Twice I have almost lost her to that cave.
“You aren’t going, and that’s final,” I spit out.
Her spine stiffens, and she snaps her body up into a full sitting position, automatically pulling one of the furs around her nude form.
“So, when you said we were in this together, you only meant until you decided to be in it alone?”
“We are in this together,” I insist. “You deciphered the cure already, Zaina. You’ve done enough.”
“That is not for you to decide. I have spent a lifetime being controlled by Madame. I will not be controlled by you now.” Her voice is quiet, laced with a lethal undertone.
I drop my jaw, half in surprise and half in rage. “You cannot honestly be comparing me to that vile woman.”
“You cannot honestly be thinking of putting me in chainsagain,” she shoots back. “I am not a possession to be guarded and utilized at will.”
“No, but you are my --”
“Your what?” she interrupts me, practically yelling now. “I’m not your subject, and I’m not yourconsort,whether or not I’m stuck with that degrading title on a technicality.”
I sigh, because I am quite literally never going to live that mistake down.
“My wife. I was going to say my wife.” My voice sounds nearly as resigned as the sigh.
“A position which implies equality,” she says.
“Was it equality, then, when you made decisions on my behalf?” I growl. She has lied, abandoned, and betrayed when she thought it would keep me or her sisters safe. “You take it upon yourself to do whatever you deem necessary when it comes to protecting the people you love, Zaina. If anything, I’m following your lead, except at least I’m being up front about it.”
Her lips part, and her eyes blaze. She sucks in a breath like she’s going to respond but says nothing. This may be the first time I’ve seen her at a loss for words.
“Fine,” she finally bites out.
“Fine, you’ll stay here?” I raise my eyebrows, unwilling to believe her easy acquiescence.
“Not a chance.” She snorts. “But fine, I will refrain from taking decisions out of your hands that affect your wellbeing, either with my actions or by withholding information.”
I open my mouth to argue, but she shakes her head preemptively.
“I would do nearly anything for you, Einar,” she says quietly. “I would die for you and nearly did. But I will not live my life in a cage, even a gilded one.”
Her words still my tongue. I try and fail to think of an argument for that. No matter how much I desire her safety, I can’t keep her captive here. I won’t. She holds my deliberating gaze until I let out a relenting sigh.
