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Even if I hadn’t known her colors, any idiot could have figured that much out from the sob she had just let out.
“Lina?” I finally spoke, again. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”
“Everything,” she whispered. “Me. I’m wrong. Not quite a fairy. Not quite anything else.” She sniffled. “And then there’s you.” Her voice got louder, and I braced myself.
The list of things wrong with me was plenty long. But she surprised me, looking up at me with her water-filled eyes.
“I could have watched you die today, just like I watched—” She cut off before she could say her mother, but it still felt like being stabbed with a barbed poker, knowing she had hurt like that. Imagining her minuscule form hovering near the unmoving body of the unbelievably kind woman who had raised her, no one around to offer comfort.
Or maybe someone had been around, and it just hadn’t been me. For that matter, my family had probably been there, probably some of her friends. Neira and Vale. For some reason, that last thought made me scowl.
It’s a wonder she doesn’t hate me.
I reached out to comfort her, even though it was weeks too late, but she pulled back.
“It would have been all my fault,” she sobbed.
“Lina, no.” I looked directly at her, willing her to see the truth in my words. “I chose to come into this forest, knowing full well what it had in store. Or, at least the stories of it. That would not have been your fault.”
“But I’m the one who asked you to come.” She sniffled.
“But I’m the one who said yes,” I insisted.
She raised her chin a little, her tears slowly ebbing away, though she was still a solid, shimmering blue.
“I’m sure you think I’m ridiculous for—” She gestured to her face.
I shook my head, the effects of the blood loss and exhaustion making me more honest than usual.
“For being brave in the face of the most terrifying creatures I’ve ever seen? For going after what most people thought was nothing more than legend, only to find out you were right? Or for keeping yourself together, no matter what the day threw at us? No, Lina, I don’t think you’re ridiculous because you took a moment to cry at the end of all that.”
Finally, her skin moved to a pale rose-gold, effectively zapping the light from the cave.
“Thank you.” Her voice was quieter than usual in the darkness.
“For what?” I asked.
“For saying all of that. For being my friend.” She paused before adding, “For coming out here with me even though you had nothing to gain from it.”
I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. Even if I hadn’t been bound by oath not to tell her the truth, that I had plenty to gain from coming with her—or at least, plenty to lose if I didn’t—I couldn't have gotten the words out just then.
“Of course,” I finally bit out, but my voice was hollow.
Would I have come anyway?Our relationship was so tangled up by over a decade of obligation and confusion that I couldn’t be sure of the answer, and that was the worst part of it all.
21
Lina
It wasn’t long after I closed my eyes that it was already morning.
Ucafre was making a small breakfast at the newly-lit fire. Eggs of some sort with an array of vegetables and mushrooms. It was delicious and savory and just what I needed after a fitful night of sleep.
But none of it compared to the steaming cup of hazelnut tea. Just the smell of it made me feel warm and cozy and almost as if yesterday's events hadn’t happened at all.
Almost.
My eyes were still red and swollen from crying so much, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little embarrassed. I stretched up on my tiptoes to take another sip of warm tea from the wooden cup, letting it soothe my frazzled mind.
