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Einar crosses the white bear-skin rug to stand before me. Only when his warm hands land on my arms do I realize how cold I am. The hearth has long since gone out, the absence of the crackling fire making the space too still, too quiet.
“We knew the risks when we decided on this plan. Don’t tell me my queen is backing out now.”
The title still sounds strange on his lips.
“Of course not.” I have no choice but to take on Madame. If she finds out I’m alive, she will come after me, my sisters, my husband, and likely all of Jokith.
And she will find out. The only question is when.
“We both know why we have to stop her, and we both know I couldn’t sit here while you went alone any more than you could if the tables were turned.” He pulls me closer, and I hesitate for only a moment before I allow myself to lean into him.
I doubt it will ever come easily to me, taking comfort from another person, but for his sake, I try. His sandalwood scent envelops me, and I breathe it in, soaking in the false sense of safety I feel in his arms before finally saying what I want to outright.
“I hate the idea of you having to be in the same room with her again. After everything she’s done to you. After what she still might do.”
“I hate it, too. But I don’t see that we have any other options, since you seem fairly certain that hiring an assassin is out of the question.” There’s a grim smile in his voice. He’s joking, and he isn’t.
“If only. She’s immune to every poison you can think of...” Something in the back of my mind snags on that, but I go on. “And she’s strong, stronger than you could imagine. Whatever she’s done to herself over the years, she’s not quite human anymore.”If she ever was.
We’ve been over this before, but the enormity of what we’re doing strikes me all over again as I say the words out loud.
That’s not even what I’m the most worried about, and Einar must sense that.
“There’s something else.” It’s not quite a question, but I surprise us both by answering anyway.
“Aika.” Her name escapes my lips before I register thinking it.
“You’re worried for her?”
For her. About her. I don’t know how to explain to him the complexities of growing up with a monster, the way it can mold your mind in ways you can’t possibly comprehend, ways you can’t even see. The way it can trap your soul and turn you into someone you scarcely recognize.
Months spent away from Madame have hardly touched the hold she has on me, and Aika has never been away from her at all.
I don’t want Einar to judge her, though, so I’ve avoided telling him this truth for too long. “I’m not sure we can count on her help,” I finally say.
“Because you’re worried about what will happen if she’s caught in the crossfire? Or because she will be too afraid of the consequences?”
His question hangs in the air while I deliberate on the answer.
“If Aika is afraid of anything, she hides it well, even from me. What I mean is, I’m not sure she will be willing to go against Madame, because... she has a strong sense of loyalty, in her way.” I search Einar’s face for a hint of disdain, but he’s only listening thoughtfully, so I go on. “Madame gave her a home, a family.”
“Do you think we should go forward without her?” he asks uncertainly.
Leif knocks on the door to inform Einar that Gunnar and Helga are waiting for us at the carriage, and I use the break to consider what Einar asked.
Pulling the hood of my cloak down low, I let out a slow breath.
“I don’t know that wecango forward without her. Regardless of whether we need her help, she’s my sister. I’m not willing to go against her, and it would be nearly impossible to go around her.” I shake my head, following Einar out the passageway door. “I just think it will need to be handled delicately. Honestly, I’m not even sure Aika knows what she stands for anymore.”
It’s a dubious note to set out on, but then, that’s what I’ve come to expect from my sister.
