AllFreeNovel
Share Us
The lyrics speak of the love of a man and how it makes this woman whole. They run away in the night and are married by dawn. She needs him like the ocean needs the moon, and he needs her like the desert needs rain. Their love is limitless, all-powerful, and complete.
As the lullaby continues, their love creates a child. This child fills them with so much joy they nearly burst. In spite of the storms around them and the terrible creatures that want to steal the child away, the parents’ love protects it and keeps it safe from all harm.
Each note and every word remind me of how much I wish love was capable of such a thing.
I see Rose’s limp body. I remember being terrified when strange hands pulled me from my parents’ sides in the marketplace. I think of Aika and Melodi and every reason that I have to do my part to protect them, because no one did that for me.
By the time I sing the final note, I open my eyes, but my vision is blurry. I reach a hand up to rub them, and my fingers come away wet. I’m not sure how long I’ve been crying, but the tears I’ve shed are reflected on Sigrid’s face as well.
She says nothing as she gently pulls me closer to her, wrapping her arms around me, and it’s all I can do to pull myself away.
When I sit up, I see Sigrid’s sad eyes fixed on something behind me.
Einar has returned. He’s holding a tray of food, but his gaze is utterly transfixed on me. I don’t ask how long he’s been standing there. I don’t need to. It was long enough, regardless.
I finish wiping my face, and he silently approaches, resting the food on the middle of the bed. I feel far more vulnerable now than I ever have before. I would rather be naked in a room full of strangers than face the way my soul feels so exposed in this moment.
Einar helps Sigrid with the bowl of stew he’s brought up for her while I silently pick at the bread and cheese.
“Thank you, Ùlfur,” she says after a few bites, her eyes flitting back and forth between the two of us. “But I am so tired now. Please, let me rest. You two finish your meal together.”
Her hand grasps mine, tugging it gently, and I follow her lead by leaning in to hug her again.
“Thank you,” she whispers in the common tongue.
I smile, but the gesture feels empty. Just like everything else about me.
Chapter Fifty-Four
Einar and I walk silently down the halls of the West Wing. Halls I now realize he kept me from for very particular reasons.
These people deserve their privacy. They deserve to have a place of their own to rest and grieve and cope.
No wonder they despise me.
I‘m the monster who tried to force my way in, who took so many things for granted while they suffered and fought just to trudge on with their lives.
And it is here that he keeps their hope for a cure, protected by and for them.
We eventually find ourselves back in his rooms, and I’ve been so distracted that I’m not even sure how we got here.
“Are you all right?” Einar’s deep voice rumbles through me, cutting through the silence.
The timbre of his voice coupled with the sincerity in his stare threatens to unearth the catacomb of emotions I’ve worked so hard to bury.
“What helped me get through the years after I lost my family was talking about it,” he steps closer. “Sharing the pain and finding a way to let it go.”
I’m not breathing. My mind does not begin to fathom what that is like, because I came from a house of suppression and avoidance. I can’t speak or find the words to express what this offer means to a person who has never been allowed space for their own emotions.
I want to say no, to shut down and close myself off, but as his eyes search mine, my lips begin moving of their own accord, and nothing I do can make them stop.
I’m so tired of the pretense, and of keeping everything in and pretending the pain away.
“My childhood has been very different from yours.” I begin with the obvious. Einar doesn’t move, doesn’t speak.
“Where I am from...family doesn’t mean the same thing as it does here. Family is ownership, not love.” I try to break down my sordid tale, in the pieces that are safe to give.
“You are more valuable to the family if you have something to offer.” I swallow hard, thinking of the pieces I’ve already given him and how to present the rest. “My value was my age, my virginity.” I pause, not looking at him when I add the last part, because it's not something he has ever specifically commented on. “My beauty.”
