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"Yes." The word comes out as much of a plea as an affirmation, but I can't summon the energy to care, because there's nothing I want more in the world than to lose myself to him and this moment right now.
But as with everything else I have wanted in this world, it is not to be.
Chapter Forty-Two
Khijhana lets out a high-pitched sound and scrambles across the cave, startling us both. Einar pushes himself up, further away from me, already looking in her direction.
Before I can wonder what my chalyx is doing, a faraway voice reaches my ears.
"Your Majesty!" A panicked voice is calling for him, over and over again.
It’s his guard.
"Gunnar," the king confirms. He squeezes his eyes shut, something between regret and aggravation passing across his features. I almost smile at the mirror of my own thoughts, but I am in too much shock from what I have almost done willingly, assaulted all at once by memories of the last time a man claimed that much and even more of me.
I shiver, a different sort of cold settling into my bones as the embers of my desire have morphed into something more like revulsion now.
I barely register when the king throws his cape around me to cover me, pulling on his own clothes and calling back out to the man. He walks toward the mouth of the cave, Khijhana at his side, calling back and forth with Gunnar.
I wish I had something more than this cloak to cover me, but my own clothes are still damp, and I am in no hurry to revisit my hypothermia.
Einar walks back toward me, stopping a few feet away to pull on his boots.
"I'm going to meet him outside." He pauses, and I can sense that he’s assessing me.
I nod, not quite meeting his gaze. He kneels down and cups my cheek in his enormous hand.
"Are you all right, Zaina?" His voice is quiet with concern.
"Yes. Just getting a bit cold again." And I do feel cold, just not in the way that he thinks.
I try for a smile, but it doesn't meet my eyes. I can tell he doesn't quite buy it, but he doesn't push me, either.
"Of course. I'll be right back." He presses his lips to my head before turning to leave.
I wrap his cloak tighter around myself and allow Khijha to comfort me as I test the feel of the water on my toes.
Forcing down the panic that comes, I remind myself of how different this pool was from the icy lake that tried to end me.
Images of people being lowered to their watery graves in cages intended to make them suffer as long as possible come to mind. I want to vomit, but I force myself to keep my foot in the warm spring anyway.
I need to do this.
The water is warm, and luminescent somehow. If I ignore my aversion, it is pretty. In a haunting sort of way. The sound of boots slapping against the cave floor startle me, and I jerk my foot out.
Khijha’s ears flit and she cocks her head to the side in the opposite direction before she gets up and goes to inspect whatever is back there.
“Zola and Gideon found Gunnar, and he followed my tracks here.”
“Gideon is alright?” I interrupt him, realizing with everything that happened I hadn’t even given my hestrinn a second thought.
“He’s fine. Gunnar said they won’t come any closer than the tree line, so he’s going back to grab our satchels. I have a spare set of clothes in mine that we could make work for you, for now.”
A pale imitation of a smile tugs at my lips, both at the image of me trying to make Einar’s clothes fit and at relief for my hestrinn.
“Because we are so similar in size?” I glance up at him.
He gives me a tentative smile in return.
