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By the morning, I was sleeping practically on top of him, my hand over the pulse point on his neck so I could reassure myself over and over again that he was still breathing.
Still here, still alive, still mine.
I would say the words like a mantra, lulling myself back into a short burst of sleep until I woke up to repeat the process all over.
I wasn’t the only one. More than once, when I startled awake, his eyes were already open, his hands already digging into my flesh like he needed to be sure I was real.
That she hadn’t yet taken me from him.
I mumble agood morningback to him, leaning into his ministrations, letting him possess my body as a balm to both of our battered souls.
More than ever, I know with a certainty that I don’t want to lose him.I can’t.
I want to stay, and I am ready to do whatever it takes to make that happen.
“How are you feeling?” I ask breathlessly, though I know the tonics Zaina gave him last night helped mitigate the pain.
“Better,” he mumbles against my chest. “Physically, at least.”
I nod, and he lifts his head to look at me.
“I’ve been thinking that we should tell my family,” he says, his brow furrowing. “Or at least my mother.”
“I think they already know about us.” I force a grin to my lips.
He chuckles, pulling back slightly, and I immediately miss his warmth. “I mean about Madame.”
I’m stunned into silence.
“That could put her in danger—” I finally begin, but he cuts me off.
“She’s in more danger not knowing.” His voice is soft, his eyes worried. “I’ve seen only a very small piece of what Madame can do, and I walked in there at least a little prepared. But my mother would be putting herself in Madame’s clutches without any idea of what she’s risking.”
As much as every part of me rebels at the idea of involving anyone else, he’s right. It isn’t fair to let her walk in blindly.
More than that, though, this is Remy’s family and his kingdom. I can’t make this decision for him.
“All right,” I concede. “We need Zaina’s permission to share her part, but if she agrees…then I do, too.”
His shoulders sag with the relief I don’t quite feel. Even if it’s the right decision, it twists something in my gut knowing the things I’ll have to admit to the queen.
At least she won’t torture me for them, though, so there’s that.
* * *
Once we’re dressed and ready, we head to my sister and Einar to finalize our plan for today. She agrees with surprising ease, though Einar still looks hesitant.
“It isn’t like we’ll get more than one shot at this anyway,” she says. “So we may as well make as strong a showing as we can.”
When she puts it that way, I wonder how likely she thinks it is that any of us will walk away from this.
But I don’t actually want the answer to that, so I leave without asking.
We head straight to Katriane.
I run my hands over the skirts of my gown, an unusual bout of nerves making them clammy as we head through the passageways to her chambers. Lawrence remains inside the outer door, ensuring no one else comes this way.
Remy’s perfect features could be carved from marble for all the emotion he reveals, but I know that he’s just as nervous about the way she will respond.
