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I bristled at the sore subject and shook my head. Avoiding that particular person was part of the reason I spent so much of my time over here now. Actually, the majority. Being at home, just across the street from Gavin, and knowing he was home but unwilling to be around me hurt too much. Not giving him the option to reject me felt better than to be all too aware of him ignoring me.
“I don’t know why I can’t get it around him. Tessa said she’s been working with him on his mental wall, but they haven’t made much progress. Gavin can’t tell if he even has one up or not. Whatever is happening might be my fault, but it could be on his end too. He’s just too stubborn to figure it out.”
Luca reached for my hand and entwined his fingers around mine. “I’m sorry. I’ve tried talking to him, we all have, but he’s in his head. He won’t tell us what’s really bothering him, but we all know something’s wrong.”
He acted civil at school, but so distant. Since he snapped on the video call with the guys talking about our dating schedule, he hadn’t been the same. I doubted that was the only thing bothering him. The cruise was a bit of a bumpy road, but I thought we worked through that.
“He basically ignores me, Luca.” I hadn’t been able to talk about it with anyone, and getting the words out was a relief.
“I know––”
“I miss him. I miss all of you. Things have been so off lately, and I don’t know how to fix it. I thought the vacation would bring us all together, but it feels like we’re slipping apart. I want him to talk to me. I want to be able to figure out why my shield isn’t cooperating. I want to know more about my ability, but it feels like I’ve reached the end of what everyone around me can teach.” A frustrated sigh escaped my lips along with the rush of words. “I still don’t know what’s going on with Juliet or why she had the Anti-Society’s address in a folder under my name. I have no idea if she knows about me or if it’s all an impossible coincidence. I’m also supposed to be training for a big secret mission with Sky, but I haven’t heard about that in weeks. Does that mean that Robert’s attack has been solved and they don’t need us anymore? Or is it just going to spring up one day, and I’ll have to drop everything to help?”
My shoulders sagged when I finished. With all the worries and burdens on my mind, I didn’t realize how much I was holding in.
“Ave.” Luca scooted closer and wrapped his arms around me. “Why didn’t you say something sooner? I didn’t know you were worried about all of this.”
I shrugged against him. “I’ve just wanted space to process, and I guess it turned into a habit. I feel like I have no control over anything. Like people are controlling my strings and at any moment they could all pull and break me apart.”
He ran his hand over my hair in smooth, steady motions. “I can’t help with everything, but I can fix a few of your concerns.”
I shifted until I could see his eyes. “What?”
“I’m going to have everyone come to my house on Friday. We’re going to hang out and be normal. No Society talk or arguing allowed.”
I nodded. “Okay.”
“And about the mission with you and Sky. I heard from my dad today that they’ve narrowed down the suspects and are getting ready to set up different teams to check out each of them. That’s where you guys will come in.”
“So it’s happening soon?”
“I think so,” he replied.
“But all Sky and I have done is practice putting my shield around him. There has to be more we can do to prepare.”
“That’s what I actually came to talk to you about.” He shifted and pulled a folded paper from his pocket and held it out to me.
“What’s this?” I unfolded it and quickly scanned a checklist. About twenty different items like endurance training, defensive driving, code breaking, and surveillance. Things no one had told me I’d need to know about.
“These are things you’ll need to complete with training before you can meet the council or any of the other members of the Society.”
My throat dried in an instant. “What?” Each item seemed more impossible than the last. “Why didn’t you guys tell me about this sooner?”
Not that it would have helped. I was still working on the basics, but at least with this I could have focused on what was necessary.
“I just got it from my dad.” He took my hand. “Don’t worry. We’ll help you work through it.”
I sighed. As if I didn’t have enough weighing on me. “I’m never going to catch up.”
He gave me a small smile. “I know it’s really hard to wait around, but you have to trust the system.”
“I’ll try.” That was the best I could do right now. I wanted to figure out where the Society headquarters were and demand answers, but I knew better than to allow my emotions to control my decisions. “Have you heard anything about Juliet or what they think happened with my dad?”
He shook his head. “Not yet.”
Figuring out how Dad ended up missing for hours and disoriented was supposed to be a top priority for the council. It posed a huge problem. Juliet wasn’t supposed to know about the Society, especially our abilities, but she somehow had the address of its biggest adversary? That was too suspicious to be ignored.
“I’ll tell you as soon as I do,” he promised.
