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I froze. I was supposed to be doing my homework that night at Gavin’s house when we first said I love you. I was going to read when I got distracted. Not even failing a test could make me regret what happened.
I had straight As thanks to Gavin’s normally strict homework regimen, so it wasn’t like this one test would make a huge difference. I was going to pass the class, and after the year this had been, that was enough for me.
I answered the other three as best as I could, but I knew I’d get a fifty percent, at most. The pain in my stomach returned. Not finishing my assignments certainly wasn’t me and neither was failing tests. It was uncomfortable, and I knew my teacher would be disappointed.
I didn’t want Gavin to know either. He’d probably blame himself, and that wasn’t what I wanted.
At the end of the period, I turned in my test and hurried out of the room to biology. Luca was waiting for me outside and greeted me with a smile.
“Hey, you okay?”
I shook my head. “Bad test.”
He cringed. “We all have those sometimes. Don’t let it get to you.”
I wanted to hug him and thank him for that. Normally, he was a fixer, but somehow, he knew I needed someone to tell me it was okay to move on. Normally, it was Vince or Noah who told me not to hang onto things.
“I’ll try.” I sighed and followed him inside to the table we shared.
Halfway through class, he pushed his notebook toward me. I read his precise handwriting and smiled. He asked what day I was free this week to go out. Tonight, I was supposed to help Gavin, so I wrote back telling him I was free from tomorrow on.
Then, I remembered I had plans to meet up with CeeCee and Gwyn again, so I crossed that out and wrote tomorrow, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Luca: who has Wednesday?
Me: CeeCee and Gwyn.
He rolled his eyes. You just saw them.
Me: I already made plans. I can’t cancel.
Gwyn had already texted me to make sure I didn’t forget. I liked that they were serious about us being friends. They wanted to get to know me as much as I wanted to know them.
Luca: Fine. I get Thursday then.
I smiled and nodded before catching up on the notes I missed during our exchange. I wanted to ask him what he wanted to do but decided to wait until lunch. I couldn’t afford to fall behind in another class this close to finals.
Focusing was hard, though. School seemed so pointless compared to the madness in my personal life. Who cared about cell division or the Pythagorean theorem when real-life problems were taking up my mental space?
My dad’s girlfriend was secretly hooking up with my guidance counselor. How messed up was that? Plus, I was balancing five relationships and spending time thinking about each of them and what it would be like when I told them I was ready for a bit more physically.
Why couldn’t I take classes that prepared us for relationships and disappointment and divorce and the ugly truth of life that was sure to slap us all at some point? I needed lessons on how to be there for my dad when his heart gets broken and preparation for the time when I live on my own. That was only a few years away, and I didn’t have the first idea of how to budget or pay bills.
“You okay?” Luca leaned over and whispered while Mr. Umpstein passed out worksheets.
I wanted to lean my head on his shoulder and tell him I was done with the day, but that would solve nothing and only make him feel bad.
“Just worried,” I admitted.
“The Juliet stuff?” he asked.
I nodded. Stuff. More like burning shit piles.
“It’s going to be okay.” His eyes softened, and I knew he wanted to kiss me. I could see his desire, but I turned away before my own need took over.
Now wasn’t the time. Thursday. We could kiss and hug and promise each other things would work out then.
