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We said our goodnights, and I immediately felt his absence as I closed the door. I really missed his touch, but we were in a great place, and I was afraid of messing that up by jumping into bed again. There was no question that we could make fireworks together, but this friendship that we were developing would determine whether or not we could make it. I could only hope that Michael saw it the same way.
I made dinner plans with my sister the following day. It had been long since I had last seen her, and I knew she missed Robin too. It always felt weird being back home, where I had so many memories and a mixed bag of them. Many of my earlier memories were amazing, my parents had been so happy, and I'd had an amazing childhood, but I had also suffered a lot under that roof, and that emptiness still lingered within the house.
My father was sleeping on the couch when I arrived, and it had been a struggle getting him to wake up long enough to walk him to his room. I was happy that he wasn't in one of his moods; it was always difficult to get him to calm down if he started his drunken tantrums. I couldn't have Robin around him when he was like that. I started cooking while Sage watched some cartoons with Robin, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Now that the small break from reality was over, I had all the time in the world to consider Michael's proposal. It surprised me, but I understood where he was coming from. It made sense for him to want to spend more time with Robin, but the only problem was my being in the picture. Our situation was unique and complicated, and I got that. But moving in together was a whole different thing, and I didn't know if I was ready for that yet.
"Careful, that knife is sharp."
I looked down at the knife I was holding while I had been lost in my thoughts. I put it down and sighed as I looked at my sister.
"You okay?" Sage asked as she sat down.
I nodded and then looked in the direction of our father's room. "Dad's still sleeping?"
"Out like a light, and Robin is finishing the movie. You looked like you were out of it, too, a few seconds ago. What's wrong?"
"Michael asked us to move in with him," I said, then waited for my sister's reaction. Maybe she could help me make sense of all of this.
She whistled. "Wow, you guys are that serious already?"
"Not exactly. It's for Robin, not us."
There wasn't even anus, but I didn't dive into that.
"And you think it's a bad idea?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.
I nodded, knowing that living with Michael would put my heart at risk. If I fell completely in love with the man and he broke my heart, I didn't know how I would survive that.
"Well, think of the pros. Robin gets to have both parents under the same roof. You get to upgrade from your apartment, no offense," she gave me a sweet smile, and I laughed. "Then there's the daily eye candy you'll get."
"What about the fact that if Michael and I fight, I can't go back to my own place anymore?"
I didn't want to lose my independence, and since I had never been in this situation before, I didn't know how to merge our lives but still be myself.
"You said you guys are in a good place now, and he stopped being an idiot. Again, no offense."
"And if we decide to see other people?" I asked as I tried to push that image out of my mind.
"You mean ifhedecides to see other people," my sister said, seeing right through me.
I nodded.
"Jade, you lived for seven years without the guy," she reminded me. "And if he lets you go, he's an idiot."
"So you think I should give it a go?"
"It's not about what I think. It's about howyoufeel about it."
I nodded again and dug deep to see how I felt about the whole thing. My two fears were getting my heart broken and losing my independence. Michael was so set in his ways and could be overwhelming at times, but I could set my ground rules and make sure that we understood each other from the beginning. Nothing was more important than giving Robin a stable home, something I wished I'd had after my mother passed.
So later, after we'd returned home and I had put Robin to bed, I called Michael with my decision.
"Hey," he said, and I smiled as I remembered how far we had come from the'yes'that he used to answer with.
"Hey, can we talk?"
"Sure, I'm in bed, just staring at the empty spot next to me."
