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Ryan flinched, glancing at her before turning back to the road. “They really think that? That you need someone to fill-in for Ellie’s deadbeat dad?” He attempted a laugh, but after almost thirty years of friendship, he couldn’t hide the insecurity in his voice from her.
“Maybe not all of them.”
“But some of them?” He glanced at her again.
“Levi did,” she admitted. “He said he could be a great dad to my kid, even if it’s not his.”
Just repeating the words made her blood pressure rise. Despite Levi saying he hadn’t meant to imply Ellie was a mistake, Cassie couldn’t look past his words long enough to give him another chance. In the two times she’d talked with him, he hadn’t even asked about Ellie. She could never be with a man who left out the most important part of her life.
“I can’t believe you hung out with him tonight,” Ryan mumbled, his knuckles turning white on the steering wheel.
“Not a lot of other options. Everyone had a date. Besides, I set him straight on the step-dad front.” She’d never confess she’d only wanted to annoy Ryan a little since he seemed so cozy with the blonde.
He smirked. “I bet.”
Sitting up straighter, she insisted. “I did. I told him you’re an amazing dad and he couldn’t take your place.”
As Ryan tapped the brakes a tad too hard, the truck lurched, jerking Cassie against her seatbelt.
“You said that?”
Rubbing at the spot over her breast, she nodded. “What else would I have said? You’re amazing. Ellie’s a lucky little girl.”
At the red light, he pulled to a stop, then turned to her. The red glow made his face appear more serious than normal. “You really mean that?”
What was with the inquisition? “Of course I do. Your adoration for her and her for you is obvious, and admittedly, I’m a bit envious. You’re perfect for each other.”
The light changed to green and with it his solemn expression turned to a smile. “Envious?”
As the truck started forward again, she turned her attention to her lap. “It feels like you get to enjoy her more than I do. I’m always so busy making sure she eats and bathes and cleans up and…the two of you just seem to enjoy each other more.”
Silence descended over the cab of the truck. Why had she said that? Stupid emotional vomit.
“Is that why you started dating? To have someone to share the hard parts with so you can enjoy being Ellie’s mom?”
An automatic refusal perched on the tip of her tongue.
“You have to admit Ellie would benefit from a dad who lives with her, who doesn’t travel for work and leave you alone to do all the hard parts. It would be better for you too, if you had someone you could share your life with.”
If she weren’t mistaken, his voice cracked on that last bit. She considered lying and telling him she didn’t want any of those things. Unfortunately, he knew her just as well as she knew him.
Releasing a heavy breath, she admitted, “You’re right. I mean you already fit some of that, but I wouldn’t turn down the rest.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched.
“But just because a guy lives in our house or comes home every night doesn’t mean he’ll be a better dad than you. No one’s ever going to love Ellie the way you do. Not that stepdads can’t love their kids just as much as biological dads. It’s just no one can love Ellie as much as you.” Her eyes grew warm. Even if Ryan didn’t love her, she never doubted his devotion to their daughter. To her, that was more important. “One day, I’m sure you’ll meet someone, and Ellie will have a stepmom and —”
“No.” He barked. “That will never happen.”
Her head snapped to him. He stared straight ahead, unwavering.
She snickered. “Right. Traveling the world having unattached sex with supermodels definitely beats settling down and falling in love.” Why would he ever give that up to stay home with a wife and children? Her stomach twisted at the thought of Ryan making a family with someone else.
He hit her with a serious glare. “Cassie, sex with someone you love is always better. Always.”
All the air left her lungs. She could only sit paralyzed, and stare back at him. Her mouth opened to ask him how he knew sex was better with someone you loved. As far as she knew, Ryan had never been in love. Clamping her mouth shut, she stared out the windshield. She’d assumed if Ryan were ever serious about a woman, she’d know. Obviously, she’d been wrong. Who was this woman? Did he want to be with her now? Were she and Ellie keeping him from a happily-ever-after with this woman he’d had better sex with than with Cassie? For the second time in her life, she knew what it felt like to have Ryan break her heart.
* * *
