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“Mommy. Daddy.”
Slipping from her place between Ryan and the wall, Cassie told him, “You should go.”
“Cassie, I—”
She shook her head. “I can’t be your booty call. I’m the second woman you’ve kissed today. I can’t do that. In the past, I’ve taken responsibility for not telling you what I want. Now I’m telling you. I love you. I’min lovewith you. I’d love a life with you, but I won’t share you and I can’t be casual. We need to pretend last weekend didn’t happen and go back to —”
Ellie bound into the room. “There you are. Are you finished talking? I don’t need more presents. I need a snack.”
Without her permission, a smile tugged at Cassie’s lips. She met Ryan’s bleak gaze one last time, then picked up her daughter. Turning to him, she forced a smile. “Tell Daddy goodbye, Baby. I’ll go start dinner.”
Ellie lunged from her mother into the unsuspecting arms of her father.
“Cassie?” he called.
But she’d already started for the kitchen. What more could she say to him? She’d told him how she felt, but she couldn’t give him any more of herself. She just needed to get through this holiday pretending her heart was still intact.
Chapter Seventeen
Ryan rested one elbow on the makeshift bar set up in Cassie’s parents’ great room. As far back as he could remember, he’d spent December 23 at the Starnes’ Christmas party. Every year, he looked forward to the event.
Until this year.
Last night, after he’d ciphered through all Cassie had revealed, he tried to call her. She hadn’t answered. He’d considered returning to her house, but he couldn’t come up with the words that would make her understand how much she meant to him. The thought that he’d hurt her weighed on him. Cassie’s happiness mattered to him, even more than his own. He’d tiptoed around his feelings for her for years because she’d asked him not to bring up a relationship between them. Maybe, if he’d just said to hell with her feelings then, they wouldn’t both be miserable now.
In the large mirror above the stone fireplace, he watched Cassie and Ellie in the middle of the dance floor. From the grimace on Cassie’s lovely face, Ellie had stepped on her foot… again. Still, Cassie glowed, as usual. Tonight she wore a dress made of green silk, her curvy figure wrapped up like a Christmas gift he couldn’t wait to unwrap. Only, she’d made her intentions to never allow him to unwrap her again pretty clear.
Or had she? She’d said she loved him, not only loved him but wasin lovewith him. From what she said, her only reason for not giving them a chance was that she didn’t think he wanted her and therefore couldn’t be faithful. After what she’d seen in Costa Rica, he couldn’t blame her. If he ever saw Cassie with another man, he’d likely commit murder. Hell, just watching hertalkto Levi had tested his control unlike anything he’d ever experienced. Although Cassie claimed otherwise, she must’ve been devastated, and likely disgusted, in Costa Rica. While that incident might make convincing her he wanted a life with her more difficult, the task wasn’t impossible.
Weaving through the crowd, he made his way toward the two most important people in his world. Artificial candlelight shown on Cassie’s dark, silky hair. She’d left thick waves to fall down her exposed back. His fingers itched to touch her bare skin. When Cassie smiled at their daughter, his heart squeezed. No other woman had ever had this effect on him. Seeing Cassie made his heart beat faster. Watching her mother their daughter filled him with a warmth he only ever experienced in her presence. Sex and attraction, he could, and too-often did, find anywhere, but he’d neverfeltanother woman in his soul the way he felt Cassie.
When the song ended, Ellie turned and spotted him. Her brown eyes opened wide as she shoved through the sea of legs to get to him. Despite his jumble of emotions over Cassie, he couldn’t help but smile. Five Christmases ago, he and Cassie had created the best gift he could ever hope to receive. Cassie could’ve made different decisions about her pregnancy, decisions that would’ve left both of them free of the other. Every day he thanked God she hadn’t.
He squeezed Ellie tight. “Hey Monkey.”
“Hey Daddy. Merry Christmas.” She planted a sticky kiss on his cheek.
When she pulled back, he noticed her mouth was bright red. “What have you been eating?”
“Candy canes.” Cassie sighed. “I think she just smears them on her face.”
“And my hair,” Ellie offered.
Cassie shot the girl a glare, but a smile still teased her plump lips. “How could I forget that?” She returned her gaze to Ryan. “You have hair duty next bath.”
A small thrill went through him at the thought. Not that bath time particularly excited him but sharing even the simplest moments with his family brought him joy. The fact Cassie talked as if she might allow him back into her home didn’t hurt his good mood.
In his arms, Ellie began to wiggle. “I see Uncle David and the baby.”
Across the room, Cassie’s older brother had entered with his youngest child.
“Can I go see the baby?” Ellie’s tiny body vibrated with barely contained excitement.
Ryan lowered her to the ground. “Just be careful…” The warning was useless, she’d already disappeared between skirts and dress pants.
“Well, that should keep her occupied for the next year or so.” Cassie twisted her fingers and offered a shy smile.
Ah. So they weren’t as good as he’d hoped. Without Ellie as a buffer, all the things they should’ve said years ago crowded into the space between them.
