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Although she still didn’t look at him, she nodded.
Where did he start? All of his carefully planned words escaped him now. As silence stretched between them, Cassie trained her blue eyes on him.Honesty. If he had any chance with the woman he loved, he needed to let her have all his truths.
“The night we slept together, you wrecked me.”
Although her body tensed, she remained silent, prompting him to continue.
“I had wanted you for… well, forever. You might not believe that, but I’ve had a crush on you my whole life.”
She shook her head. “You never said anything. You just —”
“Made stupid jokes about us getting together?” He nodded. “I was afraid you’d turn me down if I asked outright, so I joked, hoping one day you’d give in.”
“And I did.”
He smiled. “Yeah, you did.” His mind drifted back to that night with her and what a fumbling idiot he’d been. “And I’ve spent years trying to experience that magic again, with no luck. Until last week.”
Now, she turned to face him fully. As she did, his jacket slipped from her shoulders. He lunged forward to catch it. Mere inches separated their mouths. He wanted to kiss her. When they kissed, everything made sense.
“How? You said sex.” She swallowed, then started again. “You said sex is better with someone you love.”
And she assumed he didn’t love her. “It is, Baby.” No longer able to resist touching her, he clutched her hips.
“You said the woman you loved didn’t love you back.”
Pressing his forehead to hers, he murmured, “Because I didn’t think you did.” He thought he knew her so well, but he missed the most important truth. “When I went to Costa Rica.”
Her body tensed, but he continued.
“I didn’t think we had a chance. I thought, for you, I was just a rebound. Something fun to help you get over Levi. I did wait. I kept thinking I’d call you or you’d call me, and it would be like one of those movies where everything falls into place.”
“But?”
But he never worked up the nerve to call, and now, he supposed, neither had she. “I was scared. Scared of my feelings and scared of you rejecting me.”
She bit her lip so hard the red bled away leaving only white. “And?”
“And you know the rest. Drinking, sex, those were easier than thinking about wanting you and maybe never having you.”
“You… you… want me? Like really? Not… not just sex?”
Each unsure stammer shoved another dagger into his heart. “I want all of you. Every day. For the rest of my life. I want to have dinner with you and our daughter in our home, then put her to bed every night before sleeping next to you. I want to kiss you whenever I want and just for the hell of it. I’m tired of keeping everything I say and do around you in check. I just want tobewith you.”
Tears filled her blue eyes. He’d be lying if he claimed his own eyes hadn’t grown warm. “What do you say, Baby? Can I at least have a chance to prove I can be what you want? What you deserve?”
“You’ve always been what I want, Ryan.” Her husky voice sounded clogged with emotion, but not certainty. “You kissed Brooke yesterday.”
His heart plummeted to his stomach. The hope he’d had just moments before withered. He nodded. Whether he wanted to kiss her or not didn’t matter. If he and Cassie had been together, what he’d done would’ve counted as a betrayal.
“I don’t have an explanation. I planned to tell you before she did. And I expected to grovel and beg for forgiveness.”
“How do I know it won’t happen again? The next time you photograph some half-naked woman.” She’d gone back to worrying her lip again.
“For one, because I love you and if we’re in this, I’m fully committed to you. And two, because I won’t be photographing any more half-naked women.”
Cassie shoved back to meet his stare. “But you love your job…. This was always your dream.”
He gave in and kissed her tortured lips. “I have a better dream now.”
