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‘No.’
‘Watching?’ he asks.
‘No,’ I say again.
‘Chicken or fish?’
‘For…’ I notice the look on Carey’s face. He doesn’t want questions, he wants answers, and even though it kind of sounds like he’s taking my order at a wedding, answering is probably the best thing I can do. ‘Chicken.’
‘Pink or blue?’ he asks quickly. It doesn’t even seem like he’s absorbing my answers.
‘Pink,’ I reply.
Carey narrows his eyes.
‘Is that what you think I want you to answer?’ he asks suspiciously.
Guy, I have no idea what you want me to answer.
I reel off answers, without giving them much thought, until the time is up.
The bell rings.
The men that follow aren’t much better. There’s Aaron, whose opening line is to ask me what my deepest, darkest secret is, before telling me his is that he killed a man, waiting blankly for my reaction, and then laughing wildly – implying that he was joking, but not actually confirming it.
Then there was Henry, who was very upfront about the fact that he was currently on a ‘break’ from his marriage, to explore his options, which (whether sanctioned or not) I find kind of iffy. Even if his wife has signed off on it, say I was interested in him, I would have no idea if the relationship could go anywhere – and if we did get together, I would just be waiting for him to go ‘on a break’ from me.
One thing all of these men seem to have in common is that once they realise they’re getting nowhere with me, they look to see who is up next and start thinking about who they’re going to ask to be their best man.
The bell rings.
‘One more, then a break to top up your drinks,’ a voice calls out.
My glass is empty but I’m sure I can survive one more round.
‘Oh, hello,’ I say as Rocco sits down opposite me.
‘You look pleased to see me,’ he replies. ‘Is it going that badly?’
‘You wouldn’t believe some of these guys,’ I tell him. ‘How are the girls?’
‘Nothing traumatising,’ he replies. ‘I think I’m having an easier time than you. Do the other guys make me look good?’
Crap, they do. He looks great anyway but compared to this lot, he looks like he’s easily the most eligible bachelor in Kent.
‘They really do,’ I admit.
‘We might still be on track for grabbing a drink after together, then,’ he reminds me. ‘But just in case we don’t, speed date small talk. What are you doing for Christmas?’
‘Just spending it with the family,’ I tell him. ‘You?’
‘Same,’ he replies. ‘Wow, we’re not great at this, are we?’
‘I’m not sure this is a good way to meet or get to know people,’ I say. ‘That or we’re not happy unless we’re causing trouble.’
‘I’m sure we could find a way to cause trouble if we wanted to,’ Rocco replies. ‘Has Leila spoken to you today?’
‘Nope.’ I look over at her. She’s happily chatting away to the bloke on her table. ‘She seems to have some kind of problem with me.’
