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I’ll let him get his pants on, get his things together, but then he’s getting the hell out of here.
I don’t know what I’ve done this year, to secure myself the top spot on Santa Claus’s naughty list, but it definitely feels like I’m being punished for something. This house, right now, is like my own personal hell, and after treating it as my sanctuary for the past year, I could panic about my situation. Except I’m not, and I think it’s because of Rocco, because I have him to escape to.
Things will be better, once I’ve got rid of Declan, but I’m starting to get the feeling this ex-orcism is going to take more than diffusing a bit of sandalwood and me asking him nicely to leave, don’t you?
21
If you had told me a few weeks ago that I would be sitting down for lunch with my mum, Jess,my dadandbloody Declan, there’s no way in hell I would have believed you. And yet here we are. Mum has made sandwiches, we’re all sitting down at the table, it’s all awfully civilised, and yet somehow this has to be the most barbaric moment of the holidays yet.
‘So, how long have you been back together?’ Declan asks my parents. ‘That’s great news, isn’t it?’
Declan gives me a nudge and a smile.
‘Oh, we’re not back together,’ Mum tells him. ‘Rowan has actually remarried; his wife is here for Christmas too.’
‘Wow, really?’ Declan replies through a mouthful of crisps. ‘Because I’m getting a serious vibe off the two of you.’
He isn’t the only one. Jess and I shoot each other a look.
‘I think we’ve just learned how to be mature, and how to coexist together,’ Mum offers.
‘We’re getting on really well again,’ Dad tells him. ‘I’m over the moon about it – we all are.’
I notice Jess take her phone from her pocket and tap the screen a few times before I feel my own phone vibrate in my pocket.
This is weird.
She’s not wrong. I type a reply.
Too weird. We should try and talk to them today, try and figure out where their heads are at, and what is going on.
As I wait for Jess’s reply to come through, I watch my parents making small talk with my ex.
Definitely. You take Dad, I’ll take Mum. And we need to get rid of Declan, this is beyond awkward. He’s the last thing we need.
I am distracted from texting Jess when I hear what my mum is saying to Declan.
‘Oh, no, Declan, no one should be alone at Christmas,’ she replies.
‘It’s worse than being alone, I’m actually sort of homeless,’ he replies.
I shoot him a look. The scumbag is playing my mum for sympathy, and my mum is too nice to resist it.
‘Well, I’m sure you can spend Christmas here,’ Mum says. ‘Until you sort a roof over your head – although this is Billie’s house, so only if she’s okay with it?’
I appreciate her back-pedalling, but I can’t exactly say no now, can I?
‘Declan, can I talk to you in the utility room for a moment?’ I say.
He follows me.
‘Right, cut that out, you can’t get around me by tugging on my mum’s heartstrings,’ I tell him.
‘It’s not that, Billie, I really am homeless,’ he replies. ‘I can move in with my folks, when they’re back from their holidays, but until then, I’m screwed. Please let me stay here?’
‘What, and then you’ll just go?’ I say. ‘Simple as that?’
‘If you let me spend Christmas here, yes, I’ll go, I’ll get out of your hair, I’ll leave you in peace again,’ he insists.
