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I, being my clumsy self, clip my legs on one of the suitcases lined up in the hallway.
‘Are you okay?’ Rocco asks.
‘I’m fine,’ I reply. ‘Just always looking for new and interesting ways to embarrass myself.’
I think a nice, civilised party will be the perfect way to take my mind off getting my hands on Rocco. Just drinking lovely drinks, eating good food and mixing with interesting people. No taking clothes off, no getting up close and personal for any sports, and not being at an event designed to match people up has to help. If that doesn’t do the trick, I’m sure my generally clumsy demeanour and the ease with which I embarrass myself will work in my favour. Either way, I think sex is going to be the furthest things from our minds tonight.
As I regain my composure, after tripping and almost majorly embarrassing myself, I can’t help but glance into the open doorway next to me. My eye is caught by a man in a pig mask sitting on a sofa. A woman in a pair of bunny ears is kneeling on the floor in front of him and she’s… she’s… No! You know that scene inThe Shining, with the two people in the room, one in a tux and the other in some sort of dog costume? What the hell is in this champagne? I’ve got to be seeing things.
I quickly carry on walking. Rocco had to have seen that too, right? He didn’t say anything, though.
I’m hesitant to walk past another doorway but I’m being silly. There’s lots of chatter coming from this room, this must be where the real party is.
Rocco and I hover in the doorway. There are a group of people, dispersed around the room, on various bits of furniture. Pretty much everyone is naked, or at least down to their underwear. In the middle of the room, two completely naked men stand opposite each other. It baffles me that they’re having a casual chat and a laugh with each other, given that there’s a naked woman bent over between them. You would think seeing something so shocking would cause me to spring to action – fight or flight, right? – but it doesn’t. it stuns me into a silent stillness for a few seconds. Oh, my God, it’s going to look like I’m watching. I quickly look to Rocco. His face doesn’t give anything away. He knew we were coming here today, right? My attendance is a last-minute, misguided push of a button that made me RSVP to everything in the calendar, but is this what Rocco is into?
He opens his mouth to say something, but I don’t give him chance to get his words out – mostly because (even though I don’t know what he’s going to say) I have no idea how I’ll reply.
‘I’m just going to find the loo,’ I tell him, making an excuse to leave the room.
‘I’ll come with you,’ he replies.
Oh, my God, it’s starting.
The next room, a living room, has more of a relaxed vibe. Relaxed in that the people seem relaxed, at least. I’m anything but relaxed. I am a firm believer in each to their own. Personally, I can only handle sexually underwhelming one person at a time, but I think the biggest shock of all is that I just was not expecting this to be the kind of party I was attending.
It’s dressing gowns or less in this room. Actually, now that I think about it, I think Lu might have been wearing a silk robe, and not a wraparound dress. Oh, God, and all that stuff she was saying about Rocco burning off his alcohol, and what did I ask him? If he was a mover or something like that? I obviously meant dancing – why didn’t I say dancing? Oh, and then there’s my attempt to dress a little sexier than I usually do, which was just me making an effort for a change, but now it’s going to seem like I’m dressing for whatever this is. I seem like I’m in my sex attire. Rocco is going to think I want to participate!
‘New blood,’ a large man in pair of black silk boxers announces as we walk into the room. ‘I’m Nigel. Who have we got here?’
‘I’m Anita,’ I lie.
‘John,’ Rocco adds.
Wait, is this what you’re supposed to do? Now he really will think I’m participating.
Nigel offers me his right hand to shake. Just before it reaches me, he examines his palm and quickly swaps hands. I hold up my drink in one hand and my bag in another, as if to say my hands are tied, but not like the woman I saw in the second room.
‘Where’s your loo, please?’ I ask him.
‘Just upstairs, on the left,’ he replies.
‘Great, back in a sex,’ I reply. No, wait. ‘Sec. Back in asec.’
‘You can go in there alone together because you’re new, but typically we all do this stuff as a group,’ he calls after us. ‘You can shag in private at home.’
A few people laugh. My God, who even are these people? I don’t recognise anyone from any of the other events. I guess it’s a different crowd, who come to these sorts of things.
I glance back and see that Rocco is following me. By the time I get to the bathroom, he moves closer.
‘Can I come in with you?’ he asks. ‘Just for a moment.’
‘Erm, okay,’ I reply – because what else do I say?
Once the bathroom door is closed behind us, we both wind up speaking at the exact same time.
‘I didn’t know this was what this is,’ I blurt.
‘I’m not a swinger,’ Rocco insists.
