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‘Kenny is the next-door neighbour,’ Gail tells Rocco. ‘And Jess’s, erm, friend.’
Jess chuckles.
‘It’s lovely to have you here, Rocco,’ Mum tells him. ‘At least later, when we’re all playing games, we’ll have an even number. You can be in a couple with me – so to speak.’
As Jess starts sniggering, I go to kick her under the table. Of course, I miss, hitting nothing, which just causes my silky pyjama-covered bum to slide on the leather dining chair. I quickly sit back up.
‘Slippery pyjamas,’ I reason, with all eyes on me.
‘You all look so cute in your matching pyjamas,’ Rocco says. ‘Like one big happy family.’
‘We’re getting there, aren’t we?’ Gail says, giving me a nudge.
‘You two seem like you’re really close,’ Rocco points out. ‘You must really like each other.’
I try to remember the exact words I said to Rocco when I was telling him about why I didn’t like my step-mum – his mum, it turns out. He must be furious about that, I know I would be, but that was all just one big misunderstanding.
‘I gave Billie Grandma Eileen’s necklace last night,’ Gail tells him. ‘She always said she wanted me to give it to my first daughter and now I have one of those.’
‘Oh, that’s so lovely,’ Mum says.
‘You never told me you were doing that,’ Dad joins in. ‘That’s great.’
‘Let’s see,’ Jess insists. ‘Where is it?’
‘I thought it might be nice to wear it today,’ I say, lifting it out from under my pyjama top. Well, I did when it didn’t seem like Gail’s angry son was staring at me like he wanted to rip it from my neck.
‘Yeah, I’m okay,’ Jess says, as though she was only checking it to see if she should feel jealous or hard done by.
Rocco’s eyes widen. Then he glances at me briefly. Still, he doesn’t say a word.
‘What do you think of the house?’ Dad asks Rocco. ‘All Billie’s vision – if you don’t mind me saying, Declan.’
‘Yeah, no, not at all,’ Declan says through a mouthful of waffle. ‘Nothing to do with me.’
Rocco must think it’s weird that my ex-boyfriend is here for Christmas, but at least he’s my ex. He can’t really say anything, can he?
‘Being an architect, I’m not usually an advocate for the tearing down of old buildings, but with this house, I might have made an exception,’ he muses. ‘The classic exterior, combined with the gutting to make way for a contemporary interior, doesn’t quite work. If this is what you wanted, you would have been better rebuilding.’
He’s only saying that because he’s mad at me. Hopefully.
I can’t believe he thinks he has any right to be mad at me. Okay, so I said some stuff about his mum before I knew it was his mum, and before we managed to find our way into a positive relationship, but come on, he’s married. He’s the one in the wrong. I’m the one who should be fuming. And yet he sits there, at my table, in my house, playing these childish games with me? Well, if that’s what Rocco wants then game on. He should know by now, creating chaos comes naturally to me, and if this is how he wants to play then this is how we’ll play. Merry Christmas, everyone.
32
As Mum serves up the Christmas dinners on the kitchen island, I deliver them to the people around the table.
As the awkward morning turned into an awkward afternoon, I retreated to my bedroom to get ready for dinner. After dragging it out for as long as humanly possible, I came back downstairs to find the gang all present and anything but correct. My parents – who have whatever they have going on – Gail, Gail’s son/my… what word to even use? Lover makes me want to throw up in my mouth but, I guess that, and then there’s Jess and my next-door neighbour. Oh, and don’t forget my ex, although he’s somehow proving to be the least problematic of all of them, now he’s stopped trying to seduce me on the other side of the wall to my parents. We’ve got ourselves one festively fucked-up family, not that most of them know the half of it. There must be so many secrets amongst us. Christmas dinner is going to be like a tinderbox. I’d be on my nerves, if I wasn’t so intent on messing with Rocco right now.
‘That one is for Rocco,’ Mum tells me, handing me a plate full of food.
Before I take it to him, I grab the serving spoon for the cauliflower cheese and not only give him an extra massive helping, but I make a point of dripping cheese sauce over the other items on his plate.
‘There you go,’ I tell him. ‘The cauliflower cheese is Mum’s speciality, she’s so proud of it, so I gave you an extra-big helping.’
‘Thanks,’ Rocco replies flatly.
When everyone has a plate in front of them, we all take our seats – the same seats we had earlier.
