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“Oh, shut up and be mine already.” I kiss her again, climbing on top of her, and she laughs.
“Yes, I’d love to be yours.” Holly’s hair falls, and I brush it out of her face. Slowly tracing my thumb across her jaw.
ChapterNine
In the days after I officially became Daniel’s girlfriend, we never left each other’s sides. That weekend was filled with cuddling, moaning and lots of meals in bed. It surprised me with how fast I was falling in love with him. Even today, when he dragged me out of bed to take me to the beach, I surprised us both by not hitting him with a pillow.
Part of the agreement was to go early in the morning, so we wouldn’t run into anyone we knew. The last thing I wanted was to have a panic attack while half the town watched on. So when the alarm went off at 6 am, Daniel was awake next to me, holding a cup of my favorite coffee. It was hard not to fall in love with him.
“Are you ready?” Daniel squeezes my hand gently from the driver’s seat.
“No,” I answer truthfully. The closer we got to the ocean, the more I could feel my heart racing. It was like I suddenly forgot how to breathe, and my mouth was dry as the desert.
“We can just dip our toes in,” he reminds me. I squeeze his hand back gently as a response. I wasn’t sure what else to say. Before we got there, I was trying not to think too much and psyche myself out.
The beach was empty, as expected, except for a few early morning joggers who weren’t paying much attention to us. The sun was just above the horizon, a bright pink and orange sky. Even if I never swam again, I don’t think I could stay away from the ocean. It was just so magnificent looking and comforting. If I focused on the sunrise instead of the water, maybe I could get through this.
“Ready?” Daniel asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“No,” I’m still holding his hand, probably way too tight. I lean in for a kiss, willing it to give me the confidence I needed to do this.
“Okay, now I’m ready.” I say, trying to ignore the shakiness in my voice.
We set our stuff down in the sand and strip down to our bathing suits. Daniel takes my hand again, and I walk a step behind him, as if he could protect me somehow. I knew it was crazy. I had spent my life swimming. I was on the swim team in high school for crying out loud. But it was as if the one place I had always felt safe suddenly wasn’t safe anymore.
“The water’s a little cool,” Daniel warns, dipping his toes in first. I nod and close my eyes, putting one toe in, my body clenching in fear as the water hits it. I jump back a few inches, but Daniel doesn’t let go of my hand.
“It’s okay. You might have a few flashbacks. Try to focus on something that makes you happy, something calming.” Daniel prompts. I nod and try again.
Closing my eyes, I think about the sunrise, my nieces and nephew. Waves crashing over me as I dip one toe. I force myself to breathe. I can feel Daniel rubbing his thumb across mine in an attempt to calm me. Thinking about him and I, how happy he’s made me lately, and I take another step in. It doesn’t feel great. My chest hurts, and my body is shaking, but the crashing waves are gone.
Daniel holds my hand tighter as we step more into the ocean. “Here comes a small wave,” he whispers, my eyes still closed.
I brace myself for the memories to come flooding through, the fear and panic I felt to overwhelm me, but I feel Daniel’s warmth on my arm steadying me. The wave crashes just above my ankles gently.
“You okay?” Daniel’s voice has no hint of judgment. He’s just making sure I’m okay.
“I think so.” I peek one eye open and when I don’t feel the overwhelming panic, I open another.
“We can stay here for a while,” Daniel smiles. I look down. The water is just to my feet, the waves crashing ever so gently to my ankles.
“Okay,” Better not to overdo it. I needed to pace myself.
“You’re doing great.” He grabs me by the waist and pulls me into him.
“You don’t feel like you’re teaching a child how to swim?”
“No, I feel like I’m happy to be helping mygirlfriendovercome her fear,” my heart melts at the word girlfriend.
We stay like this for a while, taking a step further in every so often. Going at my own pace. We get to waist deep when I can feel the panic setting in again. This happened last time. I was waist deep, about to dive in, when a wave came out of nowhere. My heart races and my throat starts feeling tight. Daniel must realize what’s happening because he takes my face in his hands and takes deep breaths while maintaining tight eye contact with me. It forces me to mimic his breathing and calm down.
“Thank you.” I lean against his chest in relief. The water is still around my waist, but with Daniel here, I feel safe.
I run my hand down his chest and lean in to kiss him. His lips calming my entire body. I lose sight of where we are. I wrap my legs around his waist, and he grabs my ass, one hand sliding up my thigh.
We’re both so into it that neither of us hears the waves crashing behind us until it’s too late. We go underwater, knocking both of us backward, but Daniel grabs my hand and pulls me as close to him as possible. I push myself out of the water and gasp for air, my eyes wide with fear, waiting for the panic to set in.
“Babe, I am so sorry! I didn’t see it, fuck.” Daniel runs a hand through his wet hair and angrily hits the water.
