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"Literally," she mutters under her breath.
"We’re very thankful for the role you played, but we don’t need you to do it again." I reach for her again, and this time, she steps back.
"And what about me? What about what I want?"
I frown. "Are you saying you want to sleep with both of us? Is that why you’re upset?"
"I’m upset because the two of you discussed things and came to a decision while I wasn’t around. I’m upset because you think it was you who gave me permission to share my body with the both of you. I’m upset because" —she turns on Isaac— "once more, you’re allowing someone else to make decisions for you."
"Only because JJ is right." Isaac drags his fingers through his hair. “What happened last night was a one-off. It can never happen again. You were never mine to begin with. And seeing how JJ is with you, how he looks at you like you’re the only woman he’s ever set eyes on, convinced me that I’m not the man for you."
"How big of you to say that." She folds her arms around her waist.
"What I don’t get is what’s gotten you so riled up. Don’t you agree with our decision?" I growl.
"I… I don’t know."
Isaac shuffles his feet.
I stiffen. My guts clench.What is she trying to say? Surely not. It can’t be."Are you disagreeing with us, Lena? Is that what this is about? Because I’m not letting that happen. You’re mine, Lena. And I’m not going to share you again with anyone else."
51
Lena
Mine. Mine Mine.His words ricochet around in my head. My belly flutters. Why does this possessive streak in him turn me on so? And the fact that he not only allowed me to use my body to console his son, but also joined us? Why does that feel so forbidden, yet so erotic? And he doesn’t want me to sleep with Isaac again. It’s a one-time thing. That’s good, right? I don’t want to sleep with Isaac again, either. I only reached out to him because I felt sorry for him. It wasn’t a pity fuck, though I did want him to feel included. Didn’t want him to feel lonely. Wanted to, somehow, bridge the gap between him and his father, and JJ had caught onto that. He understood what I was trying to do even before I did. And then he got on board, to the point where he directed the proceedings. It’s why he’s decided that he’s the one who allowed me to sleep with Isaac and him at the same time.
Only, I don’t agree with that. He may have caught on quickly, but really, it was my choice to fuck both of them. And if I want to, I can do it again.Do I want to fuck both of them at the same time again?Not really. But the very fact he implied it was him in charge and he can tell me what to do is both exciting, and also frustrating, and so typically JJ. His dominance is what I love about him. His self-assuredness is also what I hate about him. It attracts me, yet threatens to overwhelm me.
I’ve always thought of myself as confident and knowing what I want. But meeting him has shown me there are depths to my personality I haven’t yet plumbed. That deep inside, when it comes to sex, I want a man who can take charge, who will treat my body like it’s his, who’ll tell me what to do, and use my body, and fuck me so hard I see stars. Who’ll demand things of me I’ve never dreamed of submitting to. Who I’ll love to challenge, simply because I love the war of wills that follows, and the physical act of him making me submit to him is both an agony and a relief. A chance to finally give myself up, not think, not have to make choices. To allow myself to yield to him and let him have his way with me is such sweet sorrow and tingling joy. My toes curl. My scalp tingles. Pinpricks of electricity shoot through my veins. I’m aroused just thinking about it. I find myself leaning in close to him. Inhaling his scent. Drawing the heat from his body around me like a shield.
"Eat." JJ points at the still-full plate in front of me.
"And if I refuse?"
His eyes gleam. "I’ll take great pleasure in feeding you, baby. You can count on it."
Isaac clears his throat. "I think I need to get going." He glances between us. "You’re going to be fine, Lena."
We’ll see.
"This is the right decision for all of us." He jerks his chin in JJ’s direction. "I’ll be out and about for the next few days, shooting. Then I’ll hire a studio in Soho to develop the photographs, and decide which ones I’m going to use to inspire my next set of paintings.”It’ll give you the privacy you need to figure things out.He doesn’t say that aloud, but he may as well have.Then he walks out the door.
The silence stretches. I don’t sit down, don’t eat, don’t look at JJ. I really need to figure out what I want. It’s not like I have feelings for Isaac. Despite the fact that I slept with him, I regard him more as a friend. As for JJ? What I feel for him is so much more complex. "I need a little time apart."
"Excuse me?" He seems taken aback, like he can’t imagine anyone ever saying those words to him.
"I need to figure out my thoughts, JJ."
"It’s Jack."
Blood rushes to my cheeks. Somehow calling him Jack feels very intimate. Like we’re back in bed. Somehow, it feels right only in bed. "That’s what I mean. You’re constantly ordering me around, insisting it was your idea when I do certain things—"
"If you’re alluding to the fact that we had a threesome with my son—"
I wince. When he puts it like that, it sounds so scandalous. Also, "That wasmyidea."
"It was my idea," he says at the same time.
