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Clearly, I’m going straight to hell. I toss and turn, unable to sleep. I made her come. I don’t regret it, though. I eased her discomfort and allowed her to sleep peacefully. That’s the most important thing, or so I tell myself. So what if it means I’m going to hell for my actions? I am never going to tell her what I did. It’s going to be my secret.
I bring my fingers to my nose and sniff; despite my shower, the faint scent of strawberries teases my nostrils. My cock instantly springs to full mast. Jesus Christ, I’m never going to sleep now. My fingers tingle to reach between my legs and relieve myself, but I restrain myself. I deserve to stay in pain for what I did to her without her knowledge. If only things were different. If only she weren’t Isaac's girlfriend. But she is. And now, I know how she tastes, how she feels as her pussy flutters around my fingers as she comes. How hot and tight and wet she is. How I can’t wait to finally be inside of her.Fuck, fuck, fuck.I need to stop this line of thinking.
I throw off my covers, rise to my feet, and pull on my clothes. Then I walk down past the floor with their room and down to my study. I pass the kitchen, and finding the lights on, walk in to find Isaac standing at the counter, a sandwich in front of him.
He glances up, sees me, and his eyebrows draw down. "What are you doing here?"
18
JJ
I prowl past him and head to the refrigerator to pull out a carton of milk, because that’s the kind of man I am. I just had my fingers inside my son’s girlfriend and now I pour some milk out into a glass, pick it up with that same hand, and place it next to his sandwich.
Isaac looks at the glass, then huffs, "I’m not twelve."
"You’ll always be twelve to me."
His scowl deepens. "Don’t pretend to be concerned about me. We both know you don’t have one fatherly instinct in your entire body."
"You’re right."
He blinks. "I am?"
I nod. "I was too young when I became a father. Oh, I know I was twenty-four when we had your sister. And that’s not young in terms of years. But I wasn’t emotionally ready for the responsibility of having a child. So I coped with it the best way I could."
"By making sure we’d never see you," he says bitterly.
"By throwing myself into my work, and building up my business so the two of you lacked for nothing."
"You mean building your organized crime syndicate, don’t you?"
I wince. It’s true, of course. I had worked on the wrong side of the law for a long time, until I found the balls to legitimize the business. The Sovranos’ decision to go legit might have something to do with it, too. Seeing the brothers find their soulmates and decide to change the nature of their business in order to protect their families had a bigger impact on me than I’d realized. It’s why I made the decision to transition myself.
"I am the CEO of one of the fastest growing media companies in the world—one I built from the ground up and through my own sweat and blood. One I’d like very much for you or your sister to run one day."
"You can forget about me. I have no interest in it," he bites out.
"I know that now."
"Eh?" He blinks up at me. "You’re okay with that?"
"I wasn’t. Not for a long time. But I realize now that you need to do what makes you happy."
He gapes at me. "You’re kidding me, right? All those years of refusing to accept what I wanted to be, and now suddenly, you’re fine with it? What changed?"
I reach for the glass of milk I’d placed next to him and take a sip, then make a face.
"Yeah, it’s gross, isn’t it?" He smirks. And goddamn, in that moment, he looks so much like me, I could be looking at a mirror and seeing my younger self. Cocky, but yet to find my confidence. Wanting to charge into the world and slay my demons, but not exactly sure what I truly wanted, either. Yeah, I was one mixed-up, confused man in my twenties, and then the kids had come along. In a way, they had centered me, though. I knew my duty as a father was to provide for them. It’s what made me responsible, but also what got me started on founding the Kane company. I’d never intended for it to be involved in illegal activities, but I hadn’t shied away from cutting corners, either. And before I knew it, I’d become someone who competed with the Mafia instead of competing in business. But all that had changed a few months ago.
I began offloading my dodgy business dealings and started to focus on my legal enterprises, which had already been doing well. I wasn't lying when I told Isaac that my media business had been built from the ground up. I'd ensured it wasn’t tainted by my shadier dealings. And my newest venture, Trinity Enterprises, is a collaboration with the Sovranos and the Soloniks, one I intended to keep above-board and use to diversify into new markets. I have a lot of plans and now…
I have a woman, too. Only, she doesn’t belong to me… yet. She might never belong to me.For fuck’s sake, I didn’t even want one, but here I am.I might be too old for her. She might not want to be with me, but… I have to try. I’ve never given up on anything without trying. Never wanted something and not gone after it. I’m certainly not going to start now. Except, it means hurting my son in the process. Can I live with myself after that? Can I live with myself if I don’t try to pursue my woman? Is there a way to do it without causing my son grief? Is there any way to do it? I don’t know, but I’m going to find out. And that means bridging the distance between my son and myself first.
I spin around, walk over to the shelf in the far corner and pull out a bottle of 24-year-old Macallan. I pour a healthy measure into two rock glasses, then slide one over to him.
He glances at it, then at me. "Whiskey?" He scowls.
"My best whiskey," I correct him.
