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"Of course not," JJ drawls.
"It’s because I promisedyou." Isaac turns his gaze on me. "I said I’d keep my end of the bargain, and this time, I intend to."
Guilt squeezes my rib cage. My stomach churns. I try to move around the counter so I can get to Isaac, but JJ’s hold stops me. Tension radiates from his big body. It’s as if he knows I’m torn between him and Isaac, and he’s worried about losing me. To be honest, I’m worried about it, too.
What I did to Isaac was wrong, wasn’t it? He was a far-from-perfect boyfriend, but he was the only person in my corner when I lost my best friend.But he took advantage of your grief and made his move on you when you least expected it.I’d never wanted to be with him, but he was there and it was convenient. And now I’m making excuses for myself. I pull away again, and this time, JJ releases me. I walk around the counter to Isaac.
"Thanks, Isaac, it means a lot to me," I murmur.
Isaac looks between my eyes. "I never deserved you, Lena. I know you’re upset with me because I moved in on you so quickly after Ben’s passing, but you and I both know, I never would have fallen for him. I may be bisexual—”
JJ stiffens, but doesn’t say anything.
“— but he was never more than a friend for me. You, however, refused to look at me while he was alive. And even after, you were so resistant. But I wanted you, Lena."
"Only because you couldn’t have me." I swallow.
"You mean, the way my father couldn’t have you as long as you were my girlfriend?" He glowers at JJ. "Not that it stopped that asshole from going after you."
"Watch your mouth, boy. I’m still your father," JJ growls.
Isaac scoffs. "That was never true growing up, and it’s even less true now."
JJ rounds the counter. He approaches Isaac and I shoot out my arm to stop him. "Don’t, JJ, please." I scowl at him from the corner of my eye.
JJ glares at Isaac. The two of them trade the kinds of looks that convey how much they hate the sight of each other. Even more than they did a few days ago.And I’m the cause of it.My stomach bottoms out. My head spins. How did I get caught up in all this drama? All I wanted was a roof over my head and a chance to get my life on track. Instead, I’ve plunged myself straight into the worst situation of my life.And it’s all my fault.I couldn’t control my impulses, and now I’ve succeeded in driving a deeper wedge between these two men, which hadn’t been my intention at all.
"Don’t worry, I’m not going to hit you." Isaac narrows his gaze on his father. "I need to care enough to do that, and honestly, I don’t. Any relationship between us was over a long time ago, and you’ve killed any chance of a reconciliation."
JJ’s shoulders bunch. Beneath his tan, he pales. He swallows; the tendons of his throat move but he stays silent.
"Isaac, you don’t mean that." I turn on him. "He’s still your father… your family."
"You were…Aremy family, Lena." His shoulders deflate a little. "I know I treated you like shit. I wasn’t thinking of the effect my actions would have on you. I wasn’t thinking of anything but my art. I don’t blame you for what you did. I just need some time to get my brain wrapped around everything." He spins around and heads for the door.
Worry knits my insides and bile bubbles up my throat. "Where are you going, Isaac?"
He pauses, then turns to face me. "I’m not going to do anything stupid." His lips twist. "It’s best I get on with my paintings, don’t you think?"
He leaves, and the ensuing silence is thick with unsaid words. I’m very aware of JJ standing next to me. His entire body seems to have turned to granite. Except for the heat that pours off of him, he may as well be a statue. I wipe my damp palms on my skirt. Apprehension is a stone that weighs down my belly. I draw in a breath, and my lungs burn.
I can neither move my feet nor turn to face JJ.My fault. This is all my fault.Why did I have to follow my instinct? It didn’t feel like I was doing anything wrong when I was with JJ and yet, technically, I was Isaac’s girlfriend when I did. I should have broken things off with him a while ago, but I hadn’t had the courage to do it. In my mind, I moved on from him a while ago… Probably the day he said he didn’t care if we didn’t have a roof over our heads. When he refused to take responsibility for our well-being, I lost respect for him. I stopped seeing him as a partner, and instead, regarded him as more of a responsibility. And maybe that’s what stopped me from ending things with him. It didn’t feel right to leave when he was trying to figure his stuff out. I thought I was doing him a favor, but I only complicated all of our lives. And now… Things are such a mess. What am I going to do next?
"Breakfast?" JJ asks in a normal voice.
I turn on him. "You had a falling out—likely, a permanent one—with your son, and you want to eat breakfast?"
"You need to eat to survive," he says in that patient 'Dad' voice of his, the one I hate and love because it makes me feel taken care of, but it also emphasizes the age gap between us.
"I don’t want to eat."
"You are going to eat." He lowers his voice to a hush and my pulse skitters. He’s going to use the force of his authority to make me concede to his wishes again. But I’m not going to let him win. Not this time.
"I’ll eat, on one condition."
41
JJ
