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It doesn’t matter, anyway,I tell myself. There’s no future for us because I can’t trust her. She’s never told me the truth about anything, not without the consequences forcing her to. There’s a chance that now, with everything out on the table, even the baby, that could change. That since she’s realized how devastating her actions have and could have been, she’ll be honest with me from now on. That her contrition is real.
I just don’t know how to trust in that. Especially not after what happened to me before.
Saoirse had just about broken me when it came to relationships, and it feels like this might have finished the job.
I push myself out of bed, trying not to groan aloud at the pain and stiffness throughout my entire body. It’s not just that. My chest feels clenched tight, hurting from the situation with Isabella. It makes me want to grab the nearest breakable thing and hurl it against the wall. I want to smash something, the way it feels like my heart has been fucking smashed over and over again.
But I don’t want to frighten Isabella or hurt her. So instead, I get up and start getting dressed, so I can call Liam and give him the update on our situation and get the information I need.
When I come back into the room after the call, I see Isabella just starting to wake up. She sits up as I walk in, holding the blanket to her bare breasts, and I feel my cock twitch in my jeans. I want to fall back into bed with her, spread her naked thighs, and fuck her pussy all over again, still full of my cum from last night. I want to spend all day fucking her again and again, in every possible way, making her come until she can’t anymore.
Instead, I stay on the other side of the room, ignoring my hardening cock.
“I just got off the phone with Liam,” I tell her. “Once you’re dressed, we’ll deal with the marriage paperwork and then head out. We’re going to an airfield where Liam has a contact to get us out; it’s about two days’ ride from here, maybe a little less. We’ll have to stop overnight one more time.” I clench my jaw at the idea of spending another night in bed with her, trying not to fucking ravage her body in every way I can think of, but I try to force the thought down.
“And what then?” Isabella asks softly. “New York?”
“New York, so I can meet with some associates, and then Boston, where I live. I’ll get you set up in an apartment of your own, situated with an allowance for you and our baby, and then we’ll quietly divorce. I’ll still be there to help raise our child, support you, and all of that. We just won’t be married for it. I think that’s best for both of us.”
Isabella visibly flinches as I finish, her lips tightening, and I can tell she’s hurt.Did she really think we were going to stay married? I can’t imagine that she did, but it’s obvious from the look on her face that she was hoping I was going to say something else.
She says nothing as I stand there, just gets out of bed and reaches for the black skirt and top from yesterday. “I’m going to shower before we leave,” she says softly, then disappears into the bathroom.
I’ve fucked her so often it shouldn’t matter, but the thought of her naked and wet in the shower, washing her arousal and my cum off her thighs, makes me hard all over again. I grit my teeth, pressing down on my cock in my jeans with the heel of my hand, trying to force the erection away. I don’t need to spend the whole fucking day battling frustrated arousal over Isabella.
When she comes out, she’s dressed, and her hair is braided back. She scoops the wedding dress off of the floor where it fell last night and looks down at it a little sadly.
“It’s a shame I can’t keep this,” she says softly, and I look at her in surprise.
“Do you want to?”
Isabella flushes as if I’ve caught her doing something wrong. “Yes,” she admits. “I’d like to.”
“Then fold it up. It’ll fit in my saddlebag.”
She looks up at me, shocked, a sudden smile spreading over her face. It catches me so off guard that I’m on my feet before I realize it, my hand on the unbruised side of her jaw, cupping her face as I lean in to kiss her.
I shouldn’t kiss her. I shouldn’t touch her again.Distance, I remind myself, even as my lips brush against hers, and the willing way she leans into the kiss threatens to undo all of my control. We wouldn’t even have to undress. I know she’s not wearing anything under the skirt, and all I would have to do is bend her over the bed, undo my own jeans, and I could be inside of her.
Thrusting deep into her wet, hot, tight pussy that makes me come harder than I ever have in my entire fucking life.
Her lips part, wanting my tongue in her mouth, just like I know she wants my cock in her body. I want to pull her to me, hold onto her tightly, devour her mouth, and then her pussy so she can come hard on my tongue. I want those three fucking nights we spent together over and over again, before it all fucking fell apart.
It’s that last part, the reminder of what happened, that enables me to pull away. My cock is throbbing, my jeans much too tight now, straining to contain it, but I manage to stop. I step away from Isabella and see the hurt on her face, but I don’t let it sway me.
I can’t. For both our sakes. I can’t trust her, and a life spent in that kind of relationship would wear away at her, bit by bit, trying to prove herself to me. Trying to earn trust, I might never be able to give. It would break us both.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her gently. “In another life, Isabella, it might have been different. If we’d met differently, been different people, we could have had something. I know it as much as you do. But the way things are now—”
“I know.” Isabella bites her bruised lip, turning away. “We don’t have to talk about it anymore. Let’s just go.”
She folds up the dress in her hands, waiting on me to go downstairs with her, check out of the hotel, file our paperwork so we can leave, and keep running, all the way back to Boston. I still taste the words I said on my tongue, hating them, hating how much they sound like what Saoirse said to me that last night in my kitchen.
But I meant it. And whatever happens from now on, I’m going to do my best not to go back on it.
