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“Turn around.”
“What?” I twist in my seat to look at Shelly.
“Turn around and go to my apartment. She doesn’t know where I live.” Shelly lifts a hand to my cheek. “I don’t want her to ruin our night.”
I pull into the closest driveway, back out, and exit the neighborhood the way we came. The entire drive to Shelly’s place, I mull over why my mother is so damn persistent with keeping me in her life if I am such a bother. The only answer I come up with is that she needs someone to step on so she can feel higher and mightier. So she has more people at her feet to kiss them.
In the last two weeks, so much has changed. Once you step out of the shadow of someone else’s light, you see the world differently. Once that person no longer has the ability to squash you under their thumb, they come back with more persistence.
After hours of online research since I pushed her away, I concluded my mother is most definitely a narcissist. To what degree? I don’t know, nor do I have the time or energy to figure it out. But the further I fell down the dark online hole, the deeper it sank into my bones. The more I realized that people like her will never be happy unless they have someone to belittle or trample.
I don’t want to be that person for her. I can’t be.
So if I want to break the cycle, if I want to have a healthy life and relationship with Shelly, I have to cut her off. Cut all direct ties. No matter the cost. No matter who I lose in the process. Because from what I’ve learned, if I don’t make a clean break, my mother will slowly and intentionally ruin everything I love. Everything I hold close to my heart. As long as she comes out feeling mighty in the end, she won’t care who she crushes along the way.
And I refuse to let her rob me of happiness.
TWENTY-FIVE
SHELLY
Everyone is on edge.
Any day now, Autumn is due to deliver. Jonas started paternity leave days ago, in case Autumn went into labor early. Clementine hasn’t allowed Autumn to do a thing on her own except use the bathroom. Even then, she hovers close by.
Although Autumn and Jonas aren’t her children, Elizabeth is geared up for the next baby in our group to arrive. We won’t be closing Petal and Vine like we did when Cora went into labor, but she is prepped and ready to let me leave the shop and deliver bundles of flowers.
More than ever, Devlyn is holed up in his studio. When I arrive at his house after work, more often than not, he is upstairs. Music echoes throughout the house while he works on commissioned pieces. I don’t go up uninvited, not because he doesn’t want me up there, but because I assume he needs the time to himself.
Since the unannounced visit from his mother and then seeing her car out front days later, Devlyn has turned inward slightly. He doesn’t shut me out, but is selective with what he shares. His reservation doesn’t hurt—I have always known Devlyn’s reticent nature—but it has me ready to go into protection mode. Not to protect me, but to safeguard him and his heart.
Art is how Devlyn processes life. How he expresses himself and unleashes what inhabits his thoughts. The good and the ugly. Whichever consumes him, he needs the time to get it out without guilt or interruption or influence.
Most nights, once I start cooking, he comes down. His warm arms band around my waist as he kisses my shoulder, as I melt into his frame and sigh. I love our new routine. Love how easily both of us have fallen into this way of life, without effort or hardship.
“Still no word?” Elizabeth asks as I fill the loose stems at the front of the shop.
I pull my phone from my pocket, tap the screen and find no new messages. “Nope.” Just as I pocket my phone, it pings with a text.
Group text from Jonas:It’s time!
I spin my phone around and show the message to Elizabeth. The biggest smile plumps her cheeks as she brings her hands to prayer at her lips. Then my phone blows up.
Penny: On my way!
Reznor: We’ll head over when the shop closes.
Gavin: Holy shit, man! Congrats!
Cora: As soon as we drop off Clara, we’ll be there.
Rex: Congrats, bro! Can’t wait to meet the newest family member.
Micah: Peyton and I will swing by in the morning. Congrats, man!
Erin: Ahhh! Turning around now!
My fingers race over the keyboard in response.
