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The thing about Jesse is that he makes me comfortable. Always. He’s flirty and fun, and he brings out the sassiest, most lighthearted version of me. Everything has been so fucking serious with Aaron. And even though I love him, he hurt me. It would be nice to have fun. It would be nice to feel like a guy wants to be around me for the fun of it. It would be nice if the last kiss I experienced wasn’t so bittersweet. And it would be nice to dance with someone fun at my birthday party.
I’m liking this plan.
“Jesse,” I say, as he brings his gaze back to me.
“Yeah?”
I give him a naughty smirk and quickly shove my mouth against his. He reacts faster than I thought he would, and a second later he’s doing what I did to him the first time we kissed like this—running his tongue along my bottom lip. I run mine along his top lip and then pull away.
And you know how I feel?
Awesome.
Like, ten times better than I did five minutes ago. Because fun, carefree kissing can do that. Especially when I feel safe and completely in control.
“It’s not to make him jealous,” I say, mostly believing it myself. “I’m not gonna be that girl. No staring at him. No making a scene. I’m gonna kiss you and dance with you because it’s fun. And I’m gonna tell Joel that you’re taking me to prom because he needs to cool his shit and let me enjoy myself!” I holler, feeling ready to take on the party again.
Jesse grins at me. “See, this is so much better. You smiling and having fun? That’s how tonight should be.”
“I agree.”
He grabs my hand and pulls me up. As we come up from the basement, Joel is walking inside. I probably still look like I’ve been crying. I was going to wash my face and touch up my makeup before going back outside. Of course, Joel takes one look at me and knows.
“Are you okay?” he asks, hurrying over to me.
“I’ll meet you outside,” I say to Jesse.
He nods and squeezes my shoulder before heading out the back door.
I give Joel a rundown of my meltdown and the fact that I told Jesse.
“Wow. I’m surprised you told him.”
“He knows me better than I realized. Anyway, hopefully you will be cool when I tell you this.”
“Okay?”
“Jesse is gonna be my date for prom so that I feel safe but still have fun.”
He hesitates. “I don’t want you to give up on Aaron, but if you guys don’t fix things, I think that’s a good idea.”
I breathe in. “Good. Hopefully, you can also be okay with us dancing together and maybe kissing tonight.”
He grimaces, but then looks me over. “Just remember, you’re playing with fire.”
“Noted.”
Once I get cleaned up and no longer look like a red-eyed raccoon, I confidently walk back onto the deck. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Aaron walking toward the door. He stops when he sees me, but I turn away, standing up straighter, and walk straight to Jesse. He’s holding my orange soda, so I pull it from his hands and take a big gulp.
And then, as if some sort of divine timing is at play, the perfect song comes on.This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things,by Taylor Swift. The perfectfuck-yousong. Which is exactly what I need right now. I grab Jesse’s hand and lead him to the dance floor.
Jesse’s fun to dance with. Not quite as crazy as Trevor, but our flirty chemistry comes through, and I lean into him. He lets me take the lead, keeping his hands off me as we dance close. I lean in farther and put my hands on his chest.
“Thank you for being respectful, but this feels silly. Your mouth has been on my nipples,” I whisper. “Your hands can be on my body.”
He chuckles and gives me a naughty smirk, moving a bit closer as his hands playfully run up and down my sides.
This feels good.
