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I do. I have all those things.
Why do I feel like I’m free-falling? Like everything inside of me is spiraling into darkness?
Spiraling into darkness?Jesus, Aaron, get a grip.
These are growing pains. Give it more than three days and you’ll be fine.
I fucking hope so. Because I hate how I feel inside. And more than that, I hate that I seem to be the only one feeling this way. I don’t want to be the miserable whiny friend. That’s not who I am. It’s not who I want to be. For Rae. For my friends. For my parents.
Ugh, fuck this.
I focus my mind on Rae. The way she smiles at me. How her eyes dance when she looks at me from across the room. The way her heart pounds when she kisses me. How her skin feels—
Well, that did the trick. Now I need to stop thinking aboutthat.
I glance out at the lake and smile softly to myself.
I can’t believe I’m here.
The SUNY Finger Lakes campus is truly beautiful. And, yeah, I might not think so when it’s negative twenty in January, but for now, I’m basking in the lake air and the perfect weather.
Everything’s gonna be fine.
Rae
“All right, for the last few minutes of class, I’d like you to pair off and get to know one another. It’s going to be a long semester with plenty of book discussions. The more people you get to know, the better off you’ll be,” my espionage fiction professor tells us toward the end of class.
This is basically my dream class. I get to read Sherlock Holmes stories, and mystery and spy novels and then talk about them. There’s even some James Bond on the syllabus. I’m really glad I picked this course.
But as the first week of classes gets underway, I’m less enthused about forced get-to-know-each-other icebreakers and the idea of group projects. I realize I was lucky in high school to have a solid group of friends, beyond Sarah, Aaron, Joel, Miles, and Mackie. It made pairing off and group assignments so much easier.
I’m surprised when someone drops into the chair next to me. “You look familiar. Wait, you must be in my residence hall.”
I take a good look at him and he does look familiar. And, I’ll fully admit, attractive. Yes, I am one thousand percent taken and very happy about that, but even I can admit that he’s hot. Right around six feet with medium brown hair, chiseled cheekbones, and stunning blue eyes.
“Kevin, right? You’re one of the resident assistants.”
He smiles and extends his hand. “That’s me, Kevin Stephens.”
I take his hand and shake it. “Rae McKinley. Nice to meet you. Again.”
“You too.” He gives me a charming grin. Good thing none of the boys are here. They’d be very territorial. And even though Aaron kinda has a right to be, I can handle myself. “So, you’re a freshman? How are you liking everything so far?”
I let out an exhale. “I like it. It’s a lot, but it’s exciting. My parents did a pretty good job of preparing me to be a functional, responsible human, so I think I’ll settle in pretty quickly.”
“Why’d you choose this course? Seems random.”
I shrug and look around. Not too many girls in this class. Which is lame. Honestly, why are we still abiding by such rigid gender norms? Don’t get me wrong I love to read and talk about romance as much, if not more, than the next girl, but I love my spy stuff, too. “My best friends and I have always loved spy stuff, and I like to read. My dad and I used to read Sherlock Holmes together as a kid, so this seemed like a good fit. What about you?”
“Needed an English class, and I fully admit that other than a few classics, I stick with the mystery and spy genre. It suits me. Have you made any friends here yet?” Again, he gives me that grin. It reminds me of the way Jesse looks at me when he’s about to flirt with me.
“Uh, well, not really, but that’s mostly because I brought my best friends with me. Well, we all came here together.”
He raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Wow, really? How many?”
I laugh a little. “There are six of us, been best friends since we were six, couldn’t bear to leave each other. People probably think we’re crazy, but I love it.”
“All right everyone, for those not staring down the clock, class is over for today. I will see you on Tuesday.”
