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Ashlyn’s lighter blue eyes jumped between us, probably confused by my emergency room proclamation. But I needed her to hear me. And she had.
I needed her to know that whatever this was. I was serious about her. Even more serious about the life we’d created.
However fucking scary that was.
***
Cici
“Cici, talk to me. You’re freaking me out a little bit.”
Freaking her out? I couldn’t feel my fingertips. Shock was cascading through my system, making my breath come short in my lungs, and my heart stuttered over the idea that I was pregnant.
Pregnant.
With a baby. A human baby. And fuck, it was Brady’s baby. From our one-night splurge.
Ashlyn and Liam hadn’t said anything on the drive back to my place. And I was infinitely grateful for the fact that Liam had offered to wait in the car while Ashlyn settled me inside. And then the questions had started.
“You’re freaking out? How do you think I feel?” I finally got out. I could see my niece cringe at the harshness of my words. I swallowed, ignoring the painful thickness of my throat. “I’m sorry, Ash. That was uncalled for. I’m just a little…confused.”
“It’s okay. It was a stupid comment.” Her hands were warm on my shoulders. “Cici, look at me. I’m here for you. Whatever you’re feeling.”
Like Brady had wanted to be. And then I’d run. I’d run away, shoving him as far away as I could get at the time. I closed my eyes, feeling the bite of tears. I regretted it so much. I wanted him here. I suddenly wished more than anything that he was here.
To tell me again that everything would be okay. That he was with me.
But I’d pushed. Hard.
“I know you are,” I whispered, opening my eyes to Ashlyn's worried face. “But I think I just need some time alone. To process everything, you know?”
Ashlyn was nodding, “I’ll come by tomorrow, okay? Get some rest. Everything will look a little clearer in the morning.”
“Thanks, Ash.”
She turned by the door, her gaze downcast. “And Cici? You will make an amazing mother.” Ashlyn gave me a quick smile and slipped through the door.
I moved to it automatically, flipping the lock. Alone. Exactly what I’d asked for. Except now the reaction left me wondering if my request was overrated.
I ran a hand over my body, suddenly aching to be out of my dress and into something more comfortable. My heels clattered to the floor as I stormed down the hall to my room, where I climbed straight out of the dress. After remembering that I’d been planning on seducing Brady, I rummaged around my dresser drawer before angrily yanking on my ugliest cotton panties, as well as a baggy hoodie over leggings. With one last glare at the wrinkled dress on the floor, I wandered back to my living room.
Staring around the space, I felt as my mind began to gloss over, trying to hide the life-altering ramifications of the past few weeks in a fog of sleepiness and disorientation. I almost gave in to the call of my sofa, but I had one more thing to do first. Clearing my throat, I dialed my gynecologist. Since it was close to midnight now, their machine picked up, an unnaturally cheerful automated voice only serving to grate on my nerves more.
“Hi. My name is Cecelia Grove. I’d like to schedule an appointment as soon as possible since I discovered tonight that I'm pregnant. I’m supposed to have an IUD in, so yeah, let’s talk.”
I reeled off my information and hung up, feeling unusually guilty for my now permanently recorded rant. “Too late now,” I said to the empty room. Then laughed at the painful accuracy of my statement.
I bit down hard on my bottom lip, letting my hand slide under my hoodie and under the waistband of my leggings. My skin felt the same. My body felt the same. There was no sign of the new life that rested directly under my palm.
No sign except for the test tonight. For the look in that nurse's eyes when she recognized that I hadn’t known. Just then, even for a brief moment, she’d pitied me.
And now I hated it. Because Cici Grove was not someone to be pitied. I pressed my hand more firmly against my skin, resolve filling my mind with peace. And neither was my baby.
I went to my bed, crawling under the covers with a rattling sigh. Ashlyn had been right. I needed to sleep. Now more than ever.
“Goodnight,” I whispered into the dark room. “It’s going to be okay.”
***
