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“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I need space. I need you to get your mind wrapped around the idea that we are not an obligation. We are family. If you can do that, then maybe we can talk. But not tonight. I want you to leave.”
Brady stared.
I forced my knees straight, begging them to not waver in the face of those beautiful dark eyes.
He stood slowly, as if giving me time to reconsider.
I raised my chin. I had said what I needed to say.
And now he needed to leave before my heart crumbled into pieces and I broke down in front of him.
I am woman.
I am fierce.
I am capable.
I am kind.
The moment Brady closed my door, I bent at the waist, a shuddering sob slipping from my lips as I stumbled to my phone.
“Beth?” I sobbed into the phone, my voice as torn as my heart felt.
“Cici, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I made him leave.”
“Oh, God, sweetheart. Just hold on. I’m coming.”
“No, no, no. I can't stay here.” My hands were flopping around my countertops, blindly grabbing keys and my purse with dumb, unfeeling fingers. “I’m coming to you.”
“Don’t you dare crash that car because you’re crying. Take a big breath.”
I took a quick, shuddering breath, feeling the sharp pain in my gut as my heart continued to crumble. “I’m fine.”
“CeceliaGrove. Take a breath.”
I heaved in a huge, giant breath then let it rattle out of me with a mixture of tears and snot. “I’m good.”
My body felt strange and foreign as I hurried across the little parking lot and got into my car. The drive to Beth's was as familiar as an old pair of slippers. I didn't even make it up the stairs before her arms were around me.
Hours later, surrounded by half a dozen assorted throw pillows, homemade chili made by Beth's husband, I stroked a hand over Beth’s oldest daughter as she sprawled against me. A Disney movie blared in the background, and Beth’s toddler was running around naked except for a tool belt he wore across his back.
This was why I’d come here. I wanted to feel the chaos, to embrace it. Because sometimes when I felt most out of control, coming here, immersing myself into their chaos, made me feel like my issues were the most boring, simple ones out there. I recognized tonight, perhaps for the first time, that I was jealous. Their chaos was loving, full of laughter and spilled milk and singing voice actors. A welcome change to my own heart-wrenching confusion over what I’d done with my life.
I glanced down to one bright blue eye watching me.
“You stopped,” Ally reminded me seriously.
I gave her a half smile, resuming my massage while a pink ball gown–wearing princess sang about the issues with her love life.
Girl, I feel you on that,I thought internally.
“I don’t like it when you’re sad, Aunt Cici.”
My heart pounded in my ears, and tears threatened. Which was a surprise, since I didn’t know how I could possibly have any more left in my body. I combed the silken strands away from her face. “Don’t worry. I won’t be for long.”
