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This is going to change me.
The words embed into my muscles, my bones, my very soul. When I look into the mirror, I don’t see sweet little Liya. I see a disaster waiting to happen. It’s written all over my face at this point: dark circles weigh the skin beneath my eyes; frown lines crowd around my mouth, and amber irises faintly reflect a dull echo of their former glory.
Will I ever look alive again?
Fuck if I know.
My eyelids flutter as I twist around in the spacious dressing room. A knock breaks through my thoughts. “Liya? You done yet?”
“Sorry, Willow. Yeah,” I reply as cheerfully as I can muster. I know I shouldn’t have to hide my feelings here, but I’m trying to find a little happiness underneath all this nuclear waste.
It’s my wedding. And my best friend is here to help. I want it to feel good. Whatever parts I can manage.
I put on a smile and open the door. There’s no reaction at first, and I’m suffocating in the anticipation until Willow takes out her phone. “This is so unreal.”
“You look magnificent, Liya,” Karina says while adjusting the bodice. “A few alterations will make this look spectacular on you.”
“Really? You think so?” I twirl. “You sure? It’s the first one I’ve tried on.”
“Hell, yes. You lookhot,” Willow insists while snapping photos. “Strike a pose. Give me more shoulder.Yes, girl!Work it!”
I giggle while she directs my poses. For a moment, we’re just three women exploring dress options for me. For my wedding. For my big day.
It’s so normal that I almost lose myself to the fantasy until I spot a brigadier waiting for us on the other side of the dressing area. He’s a statue, rigid and alert, with one hand perched on his hip. I know the heat he’s packing—and what he might do if I try to bolt.
No, I can’t run now, I think while tracing the silky design on the bodice.This is it. I have to work with what I’ve got.
“We need a better view,” Willow insists while dragging me past empty dressing rooms. “Right here. This is perfect.”
Reflection Liya stares back at me from several mirrors on the dressing room platform. Which one will show up to the wedding?
And which one will remain after that?
I want to ask what changed in Pavel after his initiation. Was it his countenance? Personality? The very values he originally believed?
It’s hard to picture such a frigid man with any values at all. Considering how easily he struck a deal with my brother, they’re probably a lot more alike than I think.
That’s hardly reassuring.
Questions bloom in my throat. It’s pointless to ask Karina about anything else, especially if she doesn’t know about something as important as an initiation. She’s in the dark about that, which means she’s in the dark about everything else, too.
That’s how Jonas treated me. I never received those sorts of details because it wasn’t something I needed to be concerned about.
I frown at my reflection. The unknown looms ahead, a freshly sharpened blade on a guillotine winking in the sunlight.
I don’t need to be concerned about the details.
At least, not yet…
Chapter Thirteen
Pavel
My sister is right. I’m in deep.
I stand behind my desk with my hand on my gun, keeping a trained eye on the husky man standing in the doorway of my office.
In my penthouse.
