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“You’re drunk.”
“Not a drop since the club.” He plucks the teeth from the chair and drops them into an envelope before carefully folding it. “You know I hate torturing people under the influence.”
I reach out for one of the iron bars, using it to keep myself from flying into another rage. “Don’t fucking joke, Styopa. I can’t afford to fall in love.” I squeeze the bar with all my might. “Not now. Notever.”
“We can’t help what we feel.”
“Well, I have to. Love will be just another weakness to exploit.”
Stepan stands, his expression fiercely serious. “With all due respect, Pavel Sergeyevich, this is a weakness that is already being exploited. What’s done is done.”
I push away from the bars and pace the room, wiping my mouth repeatedly. The devil could probably hear me stomping up a storm. But it’s all I can manage while I try to fucking think.
Every time I think about that scene, about walking into my home and finding my wife cowering on the ground in front of her brother, my body vibrates with the intensity of a bomb.
I’m the wicked wind, preparing to blow every building in the vicinity level with the ground. I’m the suffocating smoke, getting ready to invade each set of lungs within my reach. I’m the furious fire, yearning to consume everything in my path.
But mostly just Jonas. I want to kill him.
“It’s not done,” I spit. “I’m not in love.”
Stepan searches the ground. Probably looking for all the teeth I knocked out of Daza. “You never had an issue falling out of love with women.”
“I never loved Zoya.”
“I neversaidZoya.” He peeks over his shoulder. “Besides, how is Liya any different?”
I halt in the center of the room. “Because she’s my wife, Styopa.”
“Then admit it: you love her.”
“Enough. That’s an order.”
Stepan stands and bows his head. “My apologies, Pavel Sergeyevich.” He gives the floor one more glance before adding, “I should help Kostya and Volodya with the body.”
I step aside and nod, noting his absence when he leaves me in the cell by myself. It should smell like death, shit, and piss in here, but all I sense is my longing to protect Liya. It doesn’t make sense either. Why would I care about someone who’s only a tool for me?
She’s a wife in name and name only. What I did to Jonas was something any Pakhan would have done—anygoodPakhan, anyway. My motivation is purely about my duty to my Bratva. The united front, just like Liya said. The more I show my brigadiers that I made the right choice, the more they will give me their allegiance even as Kiril continues trying to peel more men away.
Liya’s only purpose is to give me a child who I can seat at the head of the Citta Nostra. Jonas and Cardona will be out of the picture soon after. If I kill Jonas, then I lose part of my plan. And then the great fortress I’ve built will tumble to the ground.
Do I really want to lose all that based on a momentary lapse in judgment?
I’m not in love, I convince myself.I’m just fucking offended.
My gaze burns right into the chair. The remnants of Daza linger, but it won’t be a problem for long once Stepan returns to clean up the mess. Soon, nothing of him will remain. And my temporary loss of control will dissipate with the bleach. I can smell it already—relief is coming.
Is this what love is like?
No, that’s impossible. I’ve never felt love in my life. Maybe I got close a few times, but this isn’t anything like that. It’s not something that can happen. It’s not something thatshouldhappen.
I turn toward the exit and wander through the basement, taking my time to get to the door. On the floors above, my wife exists somewhere, unaware of the things happening right below her feet. Or maybe she is aware of what I’m doing. She’s too sharp, too intelligent to miss something like this.
A witty girl like her is useful only to the extent that she knows how to improve my power. That’s all this is—a fight for power. When Cardona is defeated and Jonas is gone, I can get rid of her too. I can let her go wherever the fuck she wants as long as she doesn’t interfere with my plans.
And then we all win. She gets the life she’s always wanted, and I get control over two great empires that will lead me to victory. Riches and glory await me. Why would I let anything get in the way of that?
But if Stepan is right…
