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He looked at her then and his green eyes were drenched with a sorrow so deep it tore at her to see it. “Not we, Lacy. Me. I’m going. I have to—”
She swallowed hard against the knot in her throat. “You’re leaving?”
“Yeah.” He stripped out of his black suit, and quickly dressed in boots, jeans and a thermal shirt, then shrugged into his leather jacket
The whole time, she could only watch him. Her mind had gone entirely blank. It couldn’t be happening. He had promised her long ago that he would never leave. That she would always be able to count on him. To trust him. So none of this made sense. She couldn’t understand. Didn’t believe he would do this.
“You’re leaving me?”
He snapped her a look that said everything and nothing. “I have to go.”
She couldn’t breathe. Iron bands tightened around her chest, cutting off her air. It had to be a dream. A nightmare, because Sam wouldn’t leave. He walked across the room then, his duffel swung over one shoulder, and she stepped back, allowing him to pass because she was too stunned to try to stop him.
He stopped at the front door for one last look at her. “Take care of yourself, Lacy.” He left without another word and closed the door behind him quietly.
Alone in her cabin, Lacy sank to the floor, since her knees were suddenly water. She watched the door for a long time, waiting for it to open again, for him to come back, tell her he’d made a mistake. But he never did.
* * *
Now, thinking about that night, Lacy wanted to kick her former self for letting him stroll out of her life. For crying for him. For missing him. For hoping to God he’d just come home.
“I had to.”
“Yeah,” she said tightly, amazed that as angry as she was, there was still more anger bubbling inside her. “You said that then, too. You had to leave your wife, your family.” Sarcasm came thick. “Wow, must have been rough on you. All on your own, free of your pesky wife and those irritating parents and sister. Wandering across Europe, dating royalty. Poor little you, how you must have suffered.”
“Wasn’t why I left,” he ground out, and Lacy was pleased to see a matching anger begin to glint in his eyes. A good old-fashioned argument was at least honest.
“Just a great side benefit, then?”
“Lacy I couldn’t explain then why I had to leave—”
“Couldn’t?” she asked. “Or wouldn’t?”
“I could hardly breathe, Lacy,” he muttered, sitting up to shove both hands through his hair in irritation. “I needed space. It had nothing to do with you or the family.”
Lacy jerked back as if he’d slapped her. “Really? That’s how you see it? It had everything to do with us. You couldn’t breathe because your family needed you? Poor baby. That’s called life, Sam. Bad stuff happens. It’s how we deal with it that decides who we are.”
“And I didn’t deal.”
“No,” she said flatly. “You didn’t. You ran. We were the ones left behind to sweep up the pieces of our lives. Not you, Sam. You were gone.”
His mouth worked as if he were trying to hold back words just itching to pour out. “I didn’t run.”
“That’s what it looked like from the cheap seats.”
Nodding, he could have been agreeing or trying to rein in his own temper. “You didn’t say any of this at the time.”
“How could I? You wouldn’t talk to me,” she countered. “You were in such a rush to get out of the cabin, you hardly saw me, Sam. So you can understand that the fact you want me to be all cooperative because now you want to talk, is just a little too much for me.”
Scowling at her, he wondered aloud, “What happened to quiet, shy Lacy who never lost her temper?”
She flushed and hoped the room was dark enough to disguise it. “Her husband walked out on her and she grew a spine.”
“However it happened, I like it.”
“Hah!” Startled by the out-of-the-blue compliment when she was in no way interested in flattery from him, Lacy muttered, “I don’t care.”
He blew out a breath and said, “You think I wanted to go.”
“I know you did.” She could still feel his sense of eagerness to be gone. Out of the cabin. Away from her.
“Damn it, Lacy, Jack died.”
“And we all lost him, Sam,” she pointed out hotly. “You weren’t the only one in pain.”
