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“I want you to talk to me,” he demanded, stepping closer to her. “You need to let me in, no matter how much you want to keep me at a distance. She’s my daughter, too.”
Tara turned fully to face him. “I can’t let you in, Sam. No matter what else is going on, I still have to guard my heart.”
Those wide eyes stared at him and the guilt consumed him once again. His penance would forever be looking at her and knowing he’d destroyed something so precious and perfect because of his selfish actions.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he told her. “Even when Marley remembers, I’m going to be here for you guys. My job is secure and I’m doing better than ever. I will be your provider, and at some point, I hope a friend. Maybe you can learn to trust me again.”
He turned and headed into the house before he broke down. He’d discovered in therapy that showing emotions wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but he still had some pride left. He wanted to prove to her he was a stronger man so that meant he had to hold it together whenever possible.
With Lucy and Emma coming over, he knew Tara and Marley would be fine. He needed to get out of the house for a bit and loosen this tension. It had been a hell of a week and he had a feeling things were going to get worse before they got better.
Sam grabbed his keys and decided the only place he should be was where he felt comfortable and somewhat back to normal. He headed toward the edge of town to Gallagher’s. Granted, it was closing in on lunchtime and the pub didn’t open until four, but Gray always kept the door unlocked for Sam.
Some people would judge Sam for hanging at a bar while recovering from his addiction, but liquor had never been a problem. He could have one beer and be done for the night.
It had been the damn pills that had ruined everything. One slip off the ladder on a construction site had resulted in an emergency room visit, followed by tests and meds and ultimately a downward spiral he’d had no control over all because he’d trusted his doctor. Who knew the doctor would become his drug dealer?
And the loss of control was the entire crux of the nightmare that had consumed him and ultimately destroyed his marriage. He’d had no control. He was a man. Men were strong, they were powerful, they fixed things in an instant and made the lives of their loved ones easier at all costs. Yet he’d been unable to deliver on any of that and he had to see that pain, that disappointment, each time he looked into Tara’s eyes.
Still, he had days where he wished he could push all the pain aside and find an escape, but that was the easy way out. Sam was done doing things the easy way. He was going to work his ass off and make a better life for his family. He might have had to close his one-man architectural firm, but he’d landed a job doing what he loved and he was making great money once again.
Sam pulled into the side lot at Gallagher’s and killed the engine of his truck. Having Gray in his life was priceless. No matter what had gone down, Gray had been there for him. That was the beauty of living in a small town. Yes, everyone knew your business, but for the most part, people banded together to offer their concern, and while he was healing, Tara and Marley had been looked after and loved.
Sam had gotten to know Noah quite well, too, since the man had moved to town. He was a good guy who’d come from tragedy to repair and rebuild his own life. Sam could learn a thing or two from Lucy’s husband.
After locking his truck, Sam headed for the bar and stopped inside the door to adjust to the darker space. Only the lights behind the bar were on and a little peek of sunlight came in the high windows on either side of the door. Sam didn’t see Gray anywhere, but he walked across the scarred wood floor and headed toward a stool. This place looked entirely different when it wasn’t packed with dancing patrons and waitresses carrying trays of beers and wings.
“Hey, Sam.” Kate stepped from the hallway where the offices were located. She offered a smile and rested her hands on her swollen belly. “Everything okay?”
Sam nodded. “Just needed to get out of the house for a bit. I thought you were heading over?”
“I’m going in just a bit,” she explained. “Gray ran over to the next county to pick up new sound equipment. Ours is nearly shot and he found a good deal from another bar owner who is closing his business.”
