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“Marley asked about the beach vacation,” Tara stated, pushing her other fears aside and focusing on another. “I had forgotten we were planning the beach vacation and that would be right about the time her memories vanished.”
“Then we will take her on a beach vacation.”
Tara jerked her attention toward Sam; her book slid off her lap and onto the floor. “We can’t just go on a beach vacation on a whim. I have obligations and clients who need me. There’s only so far I can take pretending to be a happy family again.”
Sam glanced at her, the slight shift only accentuating his muscular arms that stemmed from years of construction work.
“If our daughter wants to go to the beach because she remembers that we promised her, then I sure as hell am going to get her there.”
Tara closed her eyes and tried to think realistically about this situation. Sam had a point, but at the same time, how far were they going to take this? How long were they going to continue this lie? Maybe if she hadn’t lived through so many lies already this would be easier to deal with. And she couldn’t put this all on Sam and his addiction, because she had also chosen to ignore the signs and pretend that everything was okay...pretend that with her experience and expertise she could heal him.
Perhaps if she had gotten him help earlier things would’ve been different. Unfortunately pride and denial had only prolonged the inevitable.
“Then let’s start planning,” she conceded. “Can we make it a long weekend? I really shouldn’t take too much time off work since we’re short-staffed as it is.”
Tara honestly worried that if they spent too much time in vacation mode she would once more become the woman she was when she had fallen in love with Sam. She had to help Marley regain her memory, but Tara was quickly discovering how fragile her own heart still was.
“What are you afraid of?” Sam asked. He sat up on his elbow and faced her. “I destroyed our marriage. I broke your heart. I left Marley confused, but she can’t remember. What else are you afraid of? Maybe this vacation is what we all need to start fresh.”
Tara opened her mouth to correct him because there was no fresh start, but he cut her off.
“I don’t mean start over with a relationship. I know what we had is over.” He paused and Tara wondered if he was struggling just as much as she was. “But we do need to start over as friends for Marley’s sake and try to put the past behind us. I know those words are easy to say, but I am a different man now and I am determined to prove to you and our daughter exactly how much I care for you both. Because I do love you, no matter what happens.”
Tara did not want to hear his feelings. Maybe that was harsh, but she could not listen to him say that he still loved her, no matter what level his love was. Especially considering they were in bed, half-dressed, with an attraction that hadn’t faded.
“You can’t say things like that to me,” she whispered. “I need to get through each day, focus on Marley, focus on work and come out on the other side unscathed.”
Sam stared at her for a moment, his eyes darting to her lips, then up to her eyes. “You may not want to hear what I’m feeling, but I vow to be honest with you from now on, no matter what. Sometimes the truth will be difficult, but that is something we’ll both have to deal with. I’ll never lie to you again.”
She had heard that before. Each and every time he’d promised she’d wanted to believe him, and she’d found out it wasn’t the truth.
“I will start researching for the trip tomorrow.” Tara reached over and turned off her bedside lamp. “We need to get some sleep.”
As if she could sleep with him so close. Even though she had kicked him out of her house, she had felt the void in her heart just as much as the void in her bed. Having him around brought up too many memories, both good and bad.
She adjusted her covers and slid beneath them. Her foot brushed against the coarse hair on his leg. She stilled; her breath caught. Once upon a time such a simple gesture would lead to more touching. Now she didn’t know what to think or even how to react.
“I’m sorry you cringe when you touch me.”
