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Now he was a new man, but with realistic expectations of life. He knew anything they’d had was gone. But did that mean they couldn’t start over? Was that even an inkling in her mind?
“You can’t keep doing this.”
Confused, Sam crossed his arms over his chest and shook his head. “You’ll have to clarify.”
She waved a hand toward him. “All of that,” she stated, as if her vague explanation made this any clearer.
“You’ll have to be more specific.”
Tara growled, threw her arms in the air and headed toward her dresser. “Everything. The new dog, the continuous letters, the damn coconut bra and all this charm. Just stop.”
He watched as she opened her drawer and pulled out the stack of envelopes. There was no way to suppress the smile, and he didn’t even try. He had given up all hope of basically anything between them ever again. Well, other than sharing custody of Marley.
What did it mean that she had kept every single letter he had written? From her frustrated tone, he had to believe she still cared more than she wanted to admit.
Tara tossed the letters onto the bed with dramatic flair and turned her focus to him with narrowed eyes and tight lips. Who was she angrier at, him for sending his thoughts through handwritten notes or herself for holding on to each one?
“You can’t keep doing this to me,” Tara cried, frustration lacing her tone. “I can’t ride this roller coaster of emotions with you, with Marley, with everything. You are making this difficult by making me remember exactly what I lost.”
The joy he had felt moments ago simply vanished at her last statement that came out on a broken sob. Sam had no right, but that did not stop him from crossing the room and taking her in his arms. She stiffened against him, but he held tighter. He held on to her as if he could take the hurt away, as if holding their bodies together would somehow make this better. He would do anything to ease her pain but he had no clue how. Being helpless had never sat well with him, and he’d damn well try to make her happy again because sitting back and doing nothing sure as hell wasn’t an option.
As if she’d run out of energy fighting herself, fighting him, Tara dropped her head to his chest. An instant later her body trembled, but Sam realized she was trying to keep her crying hidden from him. Again, he had no right to think he should be offering comfort when he’d caused the damage, but he kissed the top of her head and refused to let go.
Moving his hand over her spine, Sam murmured, “Let it out. Don’t keep trying to be strong. There’s nobody here but us.”
She tipped her head back and stared at him with unshed tears shimmering in her bright eyes. “Don’t you understand? I can’t just let go. I’m afraid if I let go, I will never be whole again.”
Sam looked into those bright blue eyes swimming with tears, wondering how many nights she had struggled with this control, trying to remain strong for everyone around her. Had she turned to anybody for comfort? He wanted to be that person, but there was no way she would let him and he had no place asking.
His eyes darted to the letters strewn across the bed merely feet away. Maybe she hated him for what he’d done, and that was nothing less than he deserved, but those letters spoke volumes about what was truly hidden inside her heart.
She blinked and one lone tear slid down her creamy cheek. That absolutely gutted him. Sam framed her face with his hands and swiped at the moisture with the pad of his thumb. She continued to stare at him as if searching for answers, but he didn’t have any. All he had were these feelings, too many feelings that he had tried to suppress over the past year. There was only so much a man could take.
And holding his wife as she cried over his actions was more than he could handle.
Sam stepped into her until their bodies aligned fully and he slid his lips over hers ever so gently. He kept his eyes open as her lids fluttered. She was just as affected as he was and they were both an emotional mess. Clearly this was not their smartest move.
“This is a bad idea,” she whispered, voicing his thoughts.
“I’m consoling my wife.”
“You keep calling me that like we have a future.” Sam knew they didn’t have a chance, but they did have right now. He parted his lips over hers and threaded his fingers through her hair, arching her back so he could take what he wanted—something he sure as hell didn’t deserve.
