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The family.
This is why she couldn’t get involved emotionally with Sam again. They’d been living together for less than a week and already she was mentally referring to the three of them as a family.
“I’m really sorry, Mom.” Marley climbed into bed, clutching her mermaid. “Are you upset?”
“I’m not upset.”
“You’re crying.”
Children missed nothing. She willed her emotions to pause until she could get to the privacy of the bathroom.
“I’m sad that there are things you can’t remember,” Tara corrected her. “But I’m not upset with you at all. I’m sorry you didn’t have good memories about the games.”
“Why haven’t we played them?” Marley asked, crawling under the covers and resting her head on her pillow.
Tara pulled in a deep breath and opted for as much of the truth as she could. “Your daddy has had to be away quite a bit over the last year and we haven’t had the time.”
Tara didn’t want to get into the details. Instead, she cracked open Marley’s favorite book and began to read the tale of the mermaid who fought to save her family from an evil octopus.
In a short time, Marley’s eyes drifted shut and her breathing slowed. Tara closed the book as she watched her daughter sleeping peacefully, hating every part of this struggle while she and Sam knew the truth.
She wondered if this was how Sam had felt when he was hiding the truth from them so many months ago. Had he felt guilt while he’d been under the influence or had that not come until later? There was no doubt in her mind that he’d been consumed with guilt once he’d come back to his right mind.
Knowing Sam, he would beat himself up over this for the rest of his life. But she just couldn’t let him in, no matter how well he seemed to be doing now and how much he worked for their family—there were just some injuries that could not be repaired.
Actually, she had repaired it as best she could with a steel plate. There was no other way she could have moved on. The need to let him in grew more and more with each passing day, but in the long run, that could be detrimental to him.
She worried he’d use her as a crutch again and because she still loved him, she might let him and not even realize. Being a therapist and living out advice she’d give to others was so difficult. She truly believed people could and did change. She believed everyone had good inside of them. But...she was scared.
Tara sat the book on the bedside table, quietly tiptoed from her daughter’s room and closed the door. She padded down the hall to the master suite but didn’t see Sam.
The soft glow from the living room lamp filtered up through the hallway and spilled into the room. Silence had fallen over the house, unless she counted the heavy thump of her heart. The sound of crashing waves outside calmed her somewhat.
Here she and Sam were. Another night with so many unknowns, and she was exhausted. How long could she keep this up? The tension, the awkwardness, the fears. Between the lies to her daughter and her emotions for her husband, she didn’t know how much more she could take. For now, though, she reminded herself that this was all temporary and it likely wouldn’t be long before she and Sam went their separate ways once again.
With a weary sigh, Tara padded over to the bed and sank onto the edge. Her eyes burned with unshed tears and she dropped her head into her hands.
She couldn’t break, not now. Maybe once Sam fell asleep she could sneak onto the balcony and take in the still of the night and the peaceful breeze combined with the gentle roll of the tide.
The soft snick of the bathroom door drew her attention. She glanced over her shoulder to see Sam standing there, steam billowing around him as he remained on display wearing only a towel and ink.
“I thought you would take longer,” Sam stated as he walked to his suitcase. Again, he seemed to not have a care in the world and acted like all this was perfectly normal.
Even though Tara had seen his body multiple times, that didn’t stop her from appreciating him now. As he shifted, she zeroed in on the one mystery that had been stirring up too many questions.
“New tattoo?” she asked before she could prevent herself from speaking.
