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Sam eased his hand away. “No excuse? You don’t need to make an excuse for how you feel. Yes, it hurts to think you don’t trust what I’m saying, but that’s all on me for putting you in that position to begin with.”
“Are we okay?” she asked.
Sam smiled, but there was a sadness in his eyes and she knew he was still upset over their encounter. “Yeah. We’re good.”
He didn’t speak again as he dished up her salad and vegetables. There he went again, doing little things for her. That part of him had never changed and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t enjoy that caring side of him.
“Has Mom not brought Marley home yet?” he asked as he cut up his steak.
“Oh, she called earlier and wanted Marley to spend the night. I hope that was okay.”
Sam met her eyes. “Fine. I’m surprised you didn’t mind.”
Tara shrugged. “We may not see eye to eye on many things, but we both love Marley and I know Marley will have a good time. If anything happens, your mom will call.”
Sam reached for his glass and sat there with his fingers curled around the drink. “You’ve changed.”
Tara blinked. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve changed over the past year,” he repeated. “You and my mother always dodged each other, and then when I started my downward spiral, you guys flat-out hated each other.”
“Hate is a strong word,” Tara replied. “We simply didn’t agree on what was best for you.”
Sam took a sip and then eased forward in his seat. “She never thought you should’ve kicked me out.”
Tara slowly set her fork on the plate. “And what do you think? Now that we are past that point in time. Looking back, what would you have done had you been me?”
“Exactly the same thing.”
Tara was stunned. She’d never expected him to agree with her, and he hadn’t even hesitated. “You’re serious.”
Sam pushed his plate aside and kept his eyes locked onto hers. “I know you had to push me out. I never would’ve gotten the help I needed had you not.”
The invisible vise on her heart tightened. She had never heard him admit that before and all he did was confirm that she had been partly enabling him. Not because she wanted to, but because she’d thought he would get better on his own or with her help. She’d contacted some of her associates to reach out to Sam when she’d forced him out of their home. She couldn’t just leave him with nothing, but making him leave was the only way she could think of to make him realize the severity of the situation.
“That’s why you can’t come back.” She said the words before she could think not to. “I mean—”
“You think letting me in will...what? Make me turn to the pills?”
When he said the words out loud, it didn’t sound as logical as it had inside her head, but damn it, she couldn’t risk it.
“I think I’m scared and the last thing I want to do is risk your future over my selfishness.”
Her last word came out broken and she realized she’d raised her voice and was on the verge of a breakdown. She’d never intended to tell him her true feelings. She’d never wanted him to know her real reason for not letting him back in.
But there it was. She’d laid the words right between them and now he knew her heart.
As if her emotions hovering in the air between them weren’t enough, the combination of his heavy-lidded stare and the silence was simply too much to bear.
Tara scooted her chair back and started to pass, but Sam’s arm snaked out and his hand curled around the bend in her elbow. She didn’t look at him; in fact, when his thumb caressed along her bare skin, she shut her eyes to avoid revealing her emotions.
“You still love me,” he murmured.
Tara’s chest tightened. Of course she still loved him. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was all the chaos that kept attacking that love, that relationship they’d built.
Sliding her arm from his touch, Tara went into the house and was immediately greeted by a very eager Daisy. She tried to get out, but Tara held her back. Sam stepped inside right after her and kept going so that she had to retreat. When he shut the door, he didn’t do it gently.
