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“What’s your point?” I ask, feeling a bit hot under the collar because I sense she’s leading me into a trap.
Tillie lifts one hand and rests it on my chest. “You expected Kyle to be furious and probably disgusted by what you did. You expected him to hate you. But you needed to tell him because it would at least let you unburden and do the right thing. That was taken away from you, and now you’re stuck with the inability to do penance, which might alleviate this horrible guilt. You told me that story because you think maybe I’ll be disgusted and hate you. I’m the surrogate, and if I hate you and walk away,then you’ll get the absolution you’re seeking. But I’m sorry to tell you… you’re not going to get that from me. I’m not walking away. I can see your remorse and pain, and there’s nothing you can say that will get me to run from you.”
It’s like someone pulled the plug on a drain of ugly emotions I’d been swimming in. They swirl, round and round, washing over me. I want to punch my fist through a wall and at the same time, I want to pull Tillie into me. I stare into her eyes, unyielding, refusing to look away because she believes wholeheartedly what she just said.
And then, all the ugliness starts to fade. I’m not sure if it’s the liberation of sharing the self-loathing or maybe that I gave her every reason to look upon me with revulsion, but it’s kindness and understanding I’m getting.
Whatever the hell is happening at this moment, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and it breaks me out of my stupor. I wrap my arms around her and pull her in close for a hug.
I just fucking need it right now.
She doesn’t disappoint, turning her cheek to rest on my chest and circling my back with her arms. She squeezes me hard, as if to emphasize her support.
It’s the first bit of affection I’ve allowed myself for Tillie that wasn’t rooted in sexual desire. It’s pure, and I’ve not felt anything like it before.
But because her soft body is pressed against mine, and I’m feeling all kinds of fuzzy things for her right now, my body—that specific part motivated by sexual gratification—reacts to her proximity.
I pull back only enough to cup her cheeks and bend down to kiss her. I make it instantly hot and claiming, and I let it sweep me away.
Tillie sighs, her fingers clutching my T-shirt to hold me close.
Searing lust rages through me, and it’s not just a matter of wanting to be inside her.
I need it.
I need to make the deepest connection I can have with her so I know she’s truly not disgusted by what she’s learned about me.
I fucking need the affirmation, and although part of that makes me feel like a pussy to need such a thing from this woman, I know if she doesn’t give it to me, I’m going to be more fucked in the head than ever before.
Tearing my mouth from hers, I whisper, “I need you, Tillie.”
“You have me,” she whispers back.
And that’s all I need.
I sweep her into my arms, stopping at the grill as I walk by to turn it off.
She clings to me, her arms around my neck. “Does this mean we don’t have to eat those crappy burgers?”
I snort as I walk into the house. “No, we don’t have to eat those crappy burgers. I’ll take you out to eat after.”
After I drown myself in her sufficiently to drive away any lingering thoughts that she might bolt now that she knows the true me.
In my bedroom, I make short work of removing our clothes, but I’m not in a hurry to fuck her. I have a condom at the ready, but I take my time letting my lips and tongue roam every part of her lush body.
It’s only after she’s writhing, cursing, and begging do I spread her legs and drive home.
Yes, home.
That’s exactly what she feels like, and while I should question and even be wary of such a sentiment, I’m too goddamned lost in the moment to try to understand what’s happening.
I drive into her over and over again, memorizing the tight grip of her body, the sounds she makes with every thrust, andfinally the way she cries out my name as she bucks wildly against me with her orgasm.
Trying to draw me in deeper.
But I’m already in deep—with my cock, and apparently now with a private part of me that I’ve shared only with her. I don’t want it to be this way, but I can’t avoid it.
She’s special to me now, but I don’t know what that means.
