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It’s all three of us, really.
What a terrible fucking irony. I have spent years loathing myself for the things I learned in the alleys. I’ve hated myself every single day, every waking moment, for my extensive knowledge about how to create pleasure or distraction or satisfaction in any human body except my own.
Jacob probably fucked plenty of people in college and after, but I seriously doubt it was in similar conditions. Elise was a virgin when I met her.
If anyone is going to get us to the other side of this, it’s going to be me.
Jacob glances my way and widens his eyes, just a little.This is more fucked up than I thought.
I smile at him.Yes, I agree.
A tiny shake of his head.What do we do?
I let out a breath and relax my shoulders.I’ve got it.
It’s partially an act. I keep having flashes of that hand on my neck. Of the brick scraping my cheek. But falling apart isn’t something I can do. Not until we’re out. The most fucked-up thing is that I’m glad it’s not some strangers. It’s Jacob and Elise.
She leans into my hold, letting me take more of her weight. My stomach turns, despite her agreement. Despite that she’s letting me touch her. This isn’t right. This is across the line.
And it falls far short of what I’d do for my siblings.
I search Elise’s eyes one more time. Her gorgeous, dark eyes feel like home.
It’s a good thing I don’t love you.
That’s what I have to accept. Elise will never love me. We’ll never be able to be together. Because even if she agrees, even if she saysyesthe whole time, I’ll still be the man who went along with this.
I’d rather die than live without her, but I’ll pay any price to keep her alive.
Anyprice.
“This is taking quite a long time.” Bettencourt folds his hands on the table. “If you’re not able to prove your loyalty, Mr. Hill, then perhaps we could extend an invitation to your brother instead.”
My hand closes on Elise’s arm. It’s involuntary. I stop before it goes too far.
“But then…” He tilts his head. “I don’t know that he’d be strong enough. Rumor has it he can barely walk.”
No. He couldn’t walk. Not in the beginning. I can still feel the weight of Mason’s body on the way through the summer heat to those godforsaken clinics. I can still feel the way his chest hitched with tears. See him dry-heaving into the sink. See the relief in his sunken eyes when I came home with painkillers. As if the fall hadn’t done enough, surviving almost killed him, too.
That’s what I’m here for.
I’m doing this, even if it breaks Elise’s heart.
Even if it shatters mine.
14
ELISE
I’m terrified.Down to my bones. Down to my soul. Deeper than that.
Because hatred flares in Gabriel’s eyes. The comment about his brother got under his skin and went straight to his heart. I saw the ghosts there. The pain. The suffering. There was so much of it, for all his siblings.
He’s not going to do it.
And that means he’s going to die.
That can’t happen. I told him he could touch me. Iwantedhim to touch me. It was supposed to ground him, but now there’s a light going on and off behind his gaze. A fire, extinguishing and reigniting.
