Page 73 of Upper Hand


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I rub his back, eyes stinging. He kept going back afterward so he could save his brother. And he was so young. “You can tell me about it.”

“What if I don’t want you to know?”

“Then you don’t have to say a word. But it’s eating at you. It’s hurting you. It must be a really heavy thing to carry by yourself.” I run my palm over his spine. His shoulder blades. “I’m going to sit here with you either way. It’s your choice. I mean that.”

A minute passes. Maybe two. Then Gabriel steels himself. “I made him an offer, but he wanted more. I tried to run past him and failed. He caught me. I wasn’t strong like I am now. I didn’t see the knife until he stabbed me with it. I think it was mostly to prove he wasn’t afraid to kill me.”

“Jesus.”

“I’d just—I’d never been hurt like that before. I had nothing to stop the bleeding. I covered it with my hand while he held me against the wall.”

It’s horrifying to imagine it. I knew what to expect from my father. The idea of being fifteen years old and cornered by an unpredictable stranger feels awful in an entirely different way. I keep up the steady rhythm on Gabriel’s back. His head gets a little heavier on my shoulder.

“When he was done, I had to put my pants back on and find an emergency room to get stitches.”

My heart feels helplessly, irreversibly broken. I want to bury my face in my hands and cry for him. He needs strength right now, though. Not tears. “I’m going to kill my dad for making you live through that again.”

There’s a long, painful pause. “You should kill me for doing the same thing to you.”

“That’snotwhat you did.”

“I got to the conference room and he started doing that big bullshit speech. And then they brought you in. I thought you were safe. I thought you weren’t going to be there.”

“I know. But I was.”

“He said I had to rapeyou.” His voice breaks. “And I did it.”

“No.” I lift his head from my shoulder and look him in the eyes. “You didn’t. You asked me for permission before you did anything. My dad is out of his mind. Henevershould have made us do that in there. But I’m okay. It didn’t feel like being forced. It felt like you and me. In a fucked-up situation, but it was us. I’m not hurt.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“You didn’t hurt me. Not at all, Gabriel.” I put a hand to the side of his face. “But it hurt you.”

“It felt like being in that fucking alley. With that man.” He makes a rough sound. “I shouldn’t say a damn thing about it. You were the one—”

“Gabriel, no.” That man is lucky he’s a stranger. If I knew who he was, I’d end him. My throat aches. “I’m so sorry.”

“You should go.” There’s no way in hell I’m leaving. Not when his body is finally starting to settle. “You should hate me.”

“I don’t.” I take a deep breath. “Do you hate me for being turned on by you? Even in there?”

“No.” Worry creases his forehead. “But you don’t have to pretend, Elise. Your body did what it had to do to keep you alive. It’s just a natural—natural thing. A survival instinct.”

“It didn’t feel like that. It felt real. It felt good when you touched me.” Now my own shame heats my face. “I can’t believe how much I wanted you to fuck me.”

Gabriel touches my cheek. “You were on that conference table.”

“Yeah. Holding up my dress for you. I really wanted you. It was embarrassing, how little I cared that the consortium was watching.”

He lets out a shaky breath. “You were wet.”

“Yes, I was.”

“You lifted your dress up so I’d hurry.”

“I did.”

Gabriel takes his other hand away from his scar and folds his arms around me. “And then Ididfuck you.”

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