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It’s worse than I thought it would be. What I saw when I ran in here is hitting me now. Leo wasn’t going to kill Emerson quickly. He was going to torture him.
It was going to be awful.
My face heats. My stomach, too. Tears sting my eyes. I’m not going to cry. I’m going to live through this, and so is Emerson.
“Listen.” Carter steps further between us. Leo takes an annoyed breath. I wonder how Carter learned to do this when all he does is study plants and read books. No—I don’t wonder. He grew up in our house. That’s where Eva learned, too. It was what they were trying to protect me from. “You can’t hear her because you’re scared out of your fucking mind. I’m telling you, it’s okay. Look at her.”
Leo tears his eyes from Carter and looks at me.
My heart breaks. It’s coming apart in my chest. This has gotten so out of control. So many secrets. So many lies of omission. So many unopened paints.
“What do you expect me to see?”
Carter glances in my direction. “He doesn’t have any weapons, and he’s not making any move to threaten her. She’s standing close enough for it to be possible. It’s not happening. Emerson’s looking at you. My guess is, he’s concerned you might throw that knife and hit her.”
Leo glares at Carter. “Is that all?”
“No. Look.”
Leo’s eyes come back to mine, and I realize where it is that I first saw Emerson’s focus on another person’s face. It was Leo. He looks at people that way, too. With intensity. Why couldn’t he see me? Probably because I hid myself from him. I didn’t want him to worry.
“Tell him, Daphne,” prompts Carter.
“You can’t kill Emerson.” My voice shakes, but I don’t care. “I love him.” Emerson’s hand splays out on my back. This isn’t how I wanted to tell him. At least he got to hear. “You know he didn’t hurt me. I told you that. The doctors told you that. It’s true.”
“I don’t know that.” Leo’s jaw works. “Sometimes you can’t see the wounds.” Another fire lights in his eyes.
Carter sees it. “This isn’t you,” he says softly.
Leo scoffs.
“Be honest. Who did you protect Daphne from all those years?” Carter puts his hands in his pockets. It makes him smaller. I think he’s doing that for Leo. “You were always getting her out of the way. You always had something for her to do.”
“Here’s some honesty. I want to kill this fucker. I want to end his life for what he did to her. And what he did to me.”
I can hear in his voice how much it cost Leo to lose me. It echoes the press conference. The stress of learning that Haley is pregnant made this worse. And Leo blames himself for it.
No matter how many times I think it through, I don’t follow his logic. I don’t see how killing Emerson makes this any better.
“Come on. This is Daphne. She’s always been different.”
“I didn’t play favorites.”
“Bullshit, Leo. I remember what it was like after the girls were born. Mom barely got out of bed and you’ve never trusted a nanny in your life. What nine-year-old is heating up bottles in the middle of the night? What ten-year-old is spending all his spare time teaching his baby sister how to walk? Who else were you protecting her from?”
Emerson takes a quick breath behind me, like he’s just discovered something important. Memories whisper through my mind. Hands on mine. Calling for someone in the night. Not my parents. These memories are old and tattered at the edges. Mostly sounds. Mostly feelings.
“From Dad, motherfucker. And I didn’t hold that over her head.”
“Who else?” Carter glances down at the knife. Leo’s grip is tight around it.
“No one.”
“Leo.” His tone is a light reprimand. “Who else?”
Leo’s face changes. For a moment, he looks like he’s holding back tears. I haven’t seen him cry very often in my life. This isn’t like that time in his office with Haley. This isn’t blind relief. It’s sadness. Regret. Memories coming to the surface. Waves lapping at the shore. It’s my brother’s ocean I’m seeing on his face, not mine.
“From you,” Carter says. “You didn’t want her to see you like this. You knew how much Dad scared her, and you didn’t want her to be afraid of you that way.”
