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“What’s happened?” he asked again.
She didn’t want to talk about it. Well, she did and she didn’t and hell, she had no fucking clue what was going on in her mind. Which was why she asked, “Why did you quit?”
“Bianca.”
“It’s early in the day for her to have struck, isn’t it?”
He snorted. “That’s what I thought.” He tugged her to the right. “But she’s not the only reason I quit. I just…fuck.”
“What?” she pressed gently when he didn’t go on.
“My Mom asked me not too long ago.”
“Asked you what?”
A sigh. “Asked if I knew what I wanted. If I’d ever stopped and actually asked myself what I wanted.”
“What was your answer?”
He shot her a look that told her enough.
He hadn’t stopped and thought about his own wants.
“She pointed out that perhaps I’d been too focused on smothering everyone else in the name of taking care of them, and since another woman had mentioned something like that before.” The ghost of a smile. “And since another reamed me about the same thing just a couple of days later…I’ve been thinking.”
“Who?” she couldn’t stop herself from asking.
“Mel.”
Her brows shot up. “Mel?”
He grinned. “Yeah, surprised the shit out of me, too.” He sobered. “But it did get me thinking.”
She felt as though she should be holding her breath. “About what?”
“About what I wanted and what I was doing and how I cared for the people in my life.”
He led them to a bench, and she sank down beside him, snagging the bag from his grip. Oh, thank fuck, Mel had given them chocolate croissants.
Her favorite.
Yum.
She pulled one out, took a big bite, and asked, “And what did you decide?”
“That my mom was right,” he said, plunking the bag onto the bench next to him. “And you were right. And that Mel was right.”
Suddenly, the croissant wasn’t very tasty. She set it back in the bag, took his hand. “About what specifically?”
“I’m a pushy alpha-hole,” he said, smiling at her. But it wasn’tJer’ssmile. It was fake and sad, and she hated it. “And also, that I’d spent so much time thinking about what everyone else needed and how to get it for them that I didn’t stop to consider what I wanted.” His eyes hit hers. “Except for you.YouI considered a lot—how much I want you, your body, your brain.” Fingers on her cheek. “Your face to soften when you look at me.”
She drew in a breath, and it was far from steady. “I don’t want you to change who you are for me.”
“I’m not.”
She gave him a look. “Really?”
“I’m not,” he said again. “Did you all get me thinking? Of course, you did. Did it sting? Fuck, yeah. But…I needed it. I was stuck and—” A breath. “I may not fully know the man I am without all of that alpha-hole-ness, but Idoknow what I don’t want to be. And that’s more than I had before.Muchmore.”
