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A hand on her back, slowly stroking, soothing. “But you didn’t.”
“No,” she whispered. “I didn’t. I should have. I know I should have—” She clamped her teeth together.
“Why do you think you didn’t?”
She blinked. “What?”
He shifted them so they were face to face, rather than her hiding her gaze by pressing it into the curve of his shoulder, the spot that seemed perfectly crafted, perfectly formed for her and her alone.
But now she was on her side, facing him, and there was nowhere else to look but into his warm brown eyes.
“Why do you think you didn’t feel anything?”
“I loved him,” she said. “I think I did, anyway.” Though, looking back, it wasn’t anything like what she felt for Jeremy, not even close.
But that wasn’twhyshe hadn’t felt.
Why she hadn’tletherself feel.
“Sam must have known,” she whispered.
A hand on her cheek, brushing back the hair tickling her skin. “Known what?”
“That I didn’t love him.” A breath. “That I wouldn’tletmyself love him.” Another. “Not like I love you.”
His nostrils flared on a breath so sharp that it practically sliced through her eardrums.
“What?”
“I was too scared, and he…he wasn’t like you. He was a good man,” she felt obligated to add. “But there was no way that he could awaken the things inside me, not like you do.” She shook her head, hair dragging over the pillowcase. “He…he couldn’t get through the numbness I had pulled around me. I wouldn’t let him.”
Jeremy was very still, so still that she thought he might not actually be breathing.
“But you—” She shook her head again. “You saw me, and you’re so fucking smart and strong andthoughtful.And I’m not just an obligation. You like me— Youloveme.”
He nodded, fingers trailing over her arm. “I do.”
“I think I always knew, even though I pretended I didn’t. It was easier to act like you didn’t, and because you got all sorts of female attention it was easier to pretend that you weren’t interested in anything but the superficial, and when you proved that wasn’t the case, that you saw too much…well, it was easier to push you away. Too controlling. Too much of an alpha-hole. Too…everything.”
“I was too controlling,” he said with a rough laugh. “And talk about someone seeing too much…” He chucked her under the chin. “You pinned me in one, baby. I needed someone to pull my head out of my ass.”
She smiled. “I had a little help from Mel and your mom.”
“Yeah,” he said. “But you started it.”
She had.
And she was starting down the same path in her own head, her own heart.
No more living scared.
No more numb.
“And Idolove you,” he said so fucking gently that her eyes stung. “I’ve loved you from the moment I first saw you cackling over winningSpoonsand definitely after you kicked my ass inCatan.”His fingers danced across her jaw. “You were alive and bright and…fuckif you didn’t take my breath away.” His face clouded. “I hate that you were hurting and that I didn’t do anything about it.”
She touched his cheek, the bristles of his beard teasing her skin. “I wasn’t ready.”
A sigh. “I hate that, too.”
