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Though he was obviously still capable of desire.
He’d be hard as a rock in seconds if he allowed himself to relive Vauxhall. The luscious curve of her breasts in his hands.
Give me more.
He’d wanted to give her everything and take everything in return.
When he’d told Sir Malcolm that he’d take care of her, he’d meant it. She was under his protection now.
Everything changed as of this moment, although she didn’t seem to see it that way. For her it was only a little lie, a temporary, secret arrangement.
What he’d said to her uncle, the promises he’d made... he didn’t take those lightly. He’d vowed to protect her, and he would.
He was her temporary protector, and her temporary adventure—the means by which she could enjoy London outside of her uncle’s control.
His heart chose that moment to remind him that he wanted her, and not just in his bed. He wanted her approval, her companionship.
He couldn’t show her how much he thought about her, or dreamt about her. How she had him thinking about second chances.
She made him want to change, to transform. Crawl out from under his rock and greet the dawn of her smile. But he couldn’t give her this much control. He must impose some order on his life. Attempt to find his routine even here, in London, where the sunshine was filtered through coal smoke and the rooster didn’t crow his sunrise. Where the milk was too thin and there was no true silence.
Keep the solitude of his plant conservatory in his mind. The silence of plants growing, new life sprouting. Sunshine on his face.
The solitude of the sanctuary he’d created was the best method for keeping his balance.
If he lost control, if his hold on his emotions faltered, he’d be at her mercy. He’d plunge back down into the madness and darkness.
The only safe path was to stick with the plan. Find this Lachance woman. Continue the search for Rafe.
And repair the walls around his heart.
Chapter21
The next morning, Drew found Mina with her head bent over a heap of books and a jumble of papers in his mother’s parlor.
She scratched something out with her pen and stared down at her work, frowning.
“I’m off to search for MissLachance and the Princess Eve,” he told her. “I think the Princess Eve is some sort of public house, or gin shop that’s opening soon—I’m not sure where.”
She glanced up from her work, a shaft of sunlight turning her eyes nearly iridescent. “A public house proprietress for a duke’s brother?”
“An improper match—one that merits blackmail. It would be an embarrassment for the family. Although if Rafe is truly in love with the woman, and there are no other impediments, I won’t stand in his way.”
“Olivia Lachance could be working both sides,” she suggested.
“If they’re keeping their engagement secret, why would she want her scheme exposed?”
“Then someone else?” asked Mina. “A jealous lover. Or a servant. Someone who knows their plans and thinks to capitalize on your wealth. I wish I could go with you to search for answers, but I promised to accompany Beatrice to her knitting-society meeting this morning.”
“If the Princess Eve is a gin house, it’s no place for young ladies,” he said.
“You know I don’t care about that. I don’t want to only see the approved places. I want to make up my own mind about what should or shouldn’t be a place for me.”
“Trust me, gin shops are bleak and filled with misery. Usually a filthy old shack that smells of juniper-laced desperation. Gin will rot a person more quickly than any other spirits.”
“If you deprive someone of something it makes it illicit and more thrilling than if you’d offered access, even restricted access. My uncle forbade me to do so many things and now I want to do them all at once, glut myself on the dangers of Town. I want to shed my country ways.”
“So youdohave country ways.” He couldn’t resist teasing her a little.
