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“In name only,” came the terse reply.
She had to swallow a few times before she could answer. “That was not very nice, you know.”
He grimaced as he rubbed a hand over his face. “Sorry, lass. I’m a thorough brute. You’re my wife in every way that matters, and I’m that proud to be your husband.”
His obvious sincerity eased the tight feeling in her chest. “Then why won’t you tell me what happened at Waterloo?”
“It’s not fit for a woman like you to hear.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “You think I’m too sheltered? Well, I’m not.”
Not anymore.
“It’s not fit foranywoman to hear. It’s too ugly.”
“I’ve lived through ugly, Royal. It no longer frightens me.”
“I know you have. But war is a different kind of hell, and I don’t want you touched by it. You’ve been through enough, love. You shouldn’t have to carry that burden, too.”
“But—”
“Angus should have held his tongue.”
“He didn’t tell me very much. He said it was your story to share.”
He mirrored her posture by crossing his arms over his chest. For a moment, she was distracted by the widening gap of his nightshirt, exposing more of his impressive chest.
“That’s right,” he said. “Mystory.”
“Toshare. With yourwife.”
His gorgeous green eyes flickered with irritation, but she held her ground—or her piece of the mattress, so to speak.
“It would be good for you to talk about it,” she said.
“Why?”
She searched for the right words. His wartime experiences were so much a part of who he was, and yet he refused to talk about them. She understood why, but the cost of carrying so much pain, all alone, was a heavy one.
“For months, no one but my mother and then Aunt Margaret knew I’d been assaulted,” she said. “My mother certainly didn’t wish to talk about it, and my aunt would grow too distressed. So I had to lug it around inside, like a great, iron chain that grew heavier by the day. So heavy that I could hardly bear it.”
He made a distressed sound deep in his throat and reached for her.
Ainsley held him off, needing to finish. “When I came back to Glasgow and was finally able to talk to you and Victoria about it . . . well, the chain began to unravel, link by link, and I felt like I could breathe again. I didn’t have to carry the weight of that horrible truth alone anymore.”
He took the hand she’d clenched over her breastbone and pried it open. When he leaned over and kissed the middle of her palm, Ainsley had to blink back sudden tears.
“I’m so glad you told me, love,” he said gruffly. “But you don’t have to worry about me. I can breathe just fine, thanks to you and Tira.”
“Maybe, but you still carry a very grim burden from the war. I can see it, and your family can certainly see it too. That’s why they worry, especially when you withdraw from them. It’s almost like you don’t want them to come near you.”
Abruptly, Royal leaned back into the pillows, adopting the sardonic expression he wore like a suit of armor. It clearly saiddo not trespass.
“What nonsense,” he said. “You make me sound like a caricature of an inane poet, shutting myself in my room to pen gloomy poems and drink myself into oblivion. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m much too busy working and taking care of my family for that sort of idiotic behavior.”
He finished his little speech by grasping the whisky bottle. But Ainsley plucked it out of his hand and put it back on the nightstand.
“I’m sure that’s all true,” she said, “but look what happened today. You’re positively beating yourself up because you think you somehow failed me.”
